For me to create something, each time I had to believe it was important to do it or I wouldn’t have done it. A part of me knows there is a lot of art in the world, a great amount of wonderful design too and it isn’t that I ignore it, but I have to believe what is created by my hands and mind is important too or nothing happens. At the same time, it is obvious that creating art and design is not thought to be as valuable as building some wondrous technological marvel or selling financial products on Wall Street, yet if there is no sense that endeavoring to create art and design means something, I would not have ever done any of it. Every now and then, I wish I hadn’t.
There always seem to be people close to me that demand a return on my art and design be realized that is quickly, easily and massively profitable. A profitable income from my art looks like a problem I’m never going to have, so I do end up with very belligerent and obnoxious people close to me a lot of the time demanding, demeaning me and mostly, not very helpful. That does seem to confront anyone creating things though, to some extent. I’m rather tired of it.
There is something to be said about saying, “the hell with it” and never creating anything again unless someone wants to pay some grand amount for it right this minute. But, there is also something to be said for continuing on and giving no satisfaction to the assholes who said it wasn’t worth anything. I think I’m going to do that for this time. And, besides I painted today – it wasn’t fun, but I have something to show for it whether anyone ever buys it or not.
Sometimes I think of all the songs that wouldn’t have been written if someone had to have been buying it before anyone was willing to create it or before doing any of the multitude of efforts it took to get to the creation of that song. How much music, art, literature, inventions and just about everything else wouldn’t exist at all, if no one had been willing to fiddle with it long before any money came for any of it.
Speaking of which, I made the most beautiful picture tonight which got totally mucked up when I went to take the masking fluid off – it was so pretty and then the paper ripped when taking the masking gum from it. It is still beautiful but it will never be shown or sold or anything because of that mess on its sailboat. It is thumbtacked to the wall by the front door now, so it will remind me of how those beautiful parts were made in the paint so i can put them into another picture. There were some other paintings I did today, plus some products from floral watercolors made over on my zazzle store.
If I knew how to license the designs, if I were better at this as a business, if my work was better, if the efforts I’ve made would be profitable already, if I had better everything whatever it is, if I looked better, if – if – if – if. That describes it all – IF.
Then, I’m absolutely sickened watching shows like “American Greed” where people gave their money to invest in absolutely nothing but a bunch of made up numbers on fancy looking investment crook props. I’ve got to stop watching those shows.
This is one from today – it is not very big, 15 in x 22 in – not the sailboat one that tore through the sailboat. I haven’t photographed it yet.