Well of course no one has given to my GoFundMe campaign to get a place to live

It isn’t important to people.

  • cricketdiane

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This Describes How I’m Feeling Right Now and Why – Needy and Lost and Unloved

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https://www.gofundme.com/if-1000-people-gave-20-each-but-no

This is posted over at GoFundMe – I’m repeating what I wrote on it here for my blog. Read it, don’t – Share or don’t – Give or not. At least I will have asked for help and let people know what is happening. Maybe it will help someone else knowing it whether it helps me get anything that makes things better for us or not.

**

If 1000 people gave $20 – our family wouldn’t become homeless in the next few days – but no.

So our little family came from New York to Atlanta to help my Dad in his last year of his life, now the estate is putting us out and if I had $20 each from 1,000 people, we could get a place with the 3 months rent +deposits, utilities, transportation to get back to New York – but no.

It has been the mental stress of being thrown on the street by our other family members, not being given money for the work we did here & then being forced to be homeless again after the fire took everything 2 yrs ago – it would take so little from many to get a place, but no.

My daughter finally got an interview for a job in NYC that is Tuesday from a civil service test she took around the time of the fire that took our apt 2 yrs ago, if we had $30 from 2,000 people – we could go there and she could take that job & get an apt too – but no.

If the people who have enjoyed my artworks, my writings and who I’ve stopped to spend hours of my time helping over the years would give $20 each right now – our little family could be restored, get on our feet with an apartment and a job for my daughter in NYC where we had been living and go forward with our lives, but no.

If someone bought this from me and made a good business from it licensing the designs – we could have an apt and afford it, get back to NYC, get jobs and take care of ourselves, but no. CricketDiane Designs on Zazzle

If someone would buy all of my creative brainstorming notes with marketing ideas I couldn’t do – but would work for something, my design rights, art – anything like all of it, they could use it & that $20,000 would get us on our feet & a way back to NYC & an apt there, but no.

If somebody bought my blogs and carried on with them – but no. Or lent a hand with $20 – but it would take a lot of people doing that, but no. Or, if our family had actually paid us a bit for helping the estate and caretaking of Dad for his last year – but no. Just going homeless.

cricketdiane, 07-07-2018 (blog posted)

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As if it wasn’t enough to have a fire set by children next door and watch our apt and our cat and everything we owned burned down – never being able to go in an retrieve any of it – (in Staten Island, NYC Aug. 2016)

As if it wasn’t enough to have HPD refuse to make any reasonable accommodation to me unless I found a GP to give me a referral to a neurologist or psychologist in NYC that would say I needed to have it and didn’t house us at all nor help us through HPD and NYCHA.

As if it wasn’t enough that I spent months paying to sleep on a neighbor’s living room floor while trying to find an apartment when every single one I did find with my Section 8 voucher ended up with NYCHA delaying it a week insisting that the fire report wasn’t enough to prove one of my daughters was no longer watching my other daughter’s children at our house which burned down – over and over again, costing every one of those rental opportunities using my voucher which now is gone.

And as if it wasn’t enough that one of my daughters and granddaughter who had been living with me, came to Georgia rather than sleep on a neighbor’s floor to help my Dad / her Grandfather live in his own house for the last year of his life, performing every single thing that needed to be done from cooking to doctor’s appointments, 24 hour care to clean up whatever illness happened, doing all the errands and computer work among about 50 other jobs without pay – for over a year.

As if it wasn’t enough that Daddy insisted I come here for what turned out to be his last month of life and help him and help with his estate and help my daughter go through all this with his final months – which turned out to be only a month, which I paid for the plane ticket, came and started cleaning, repairing, working on the estate for him to get it ready for whenever the time came and then continued to do so every day for the first four months I was here until family members insisted that I not do any of those things because the estate had not asked me to do them – and certainly had no intention of paying me anything for doing any of it, in case I was expecting that, etc., etc,. etc., ad nauseum – so then here I am.

And, here are my daughter and granddaughter and me – with the estate insisting that we get ourselves and our belongings that Dad had restored to us which were stored here – out. That’s how people do it on the white side of town and then everybody resents us for being in dire straights and our family not helping. Our family members think they did help by “letting” us live here without money, without a car, without jobs that paid anything because they certainly never intended to pay anything for any care Dad would have at home in his last years of his life – it wasn’t their problem. We are not their problem to help us in any way. We have sat in this house trying everything we can to get the money to help ourselves and move to our own place. It can’t be done.

People don’t want the things I’ve crafted, painted and created. They don’t even see the products and designs I’ve made from my art at my online store – so they don’t buy them even if they would like them if that had been something they had seen. There is no marketing it money or any applied understanding of marketing that I can bring to it. The $60 a month I was paying for GoogleAdWords did a little but not enough and it cost us to have to end that recently – so now there are virtually no sales. And, maybe if someone had thought enough of my efforts to help with it – and people had seen it, or seen my artworks, or writings, or creative ideas which there are a ton of but I can’t do them – or ever paid to have any of it, but no. And, that isn’t going to happen.

As if it wasn’t enough to have come through domestic violence, divorce without getting anything, losing my children, years of becoming a recovered person rather than a totally unfunctioning damaged one – but no. There is no value in knowing how to do all that – nobody wants to hear about all that. Nobody anywhere is interested in our family or me or us or the ordeal we are now facing. We are not considered an asset to America nor to anyone because we aren’t rich well-known people with name recognition. And, maybe the art I’ve done is not good enough, but it looks like it is – It looks like my inability to market it well is the problem and I can’t fix that.

But would anyone else buy it from us and let us have the money we need to simply go live in an apartment or house somewhere and get on our feet and go forward – NO, of course not.

And, as negative as that seems, it is based on the continued responses from my own family and others when we’ve posted any requests for help or asked for the opportunities to help ourselves.

Can we help with the estate? No – get out.
Can we get the help you said you’d give so we can go live somewhere else?? – NO – get out.
Can we have your help to move our things to a storage unit? NO – get out.
Can we have a few dollars from something I made that the estate is about to sell as part of its goods? NO – get out!
Can we put some of our own things in one side of the estate sell so we can sell them to get the money we need to move somewhere else? NO! Get out! Get out now!
Can you just give us the money you intended to give the lawyer and court costs to evict us and then charge those costs against us from whatever the final estate amount would be giving us? NO – get out!
Can we borrow against the money the estate is likely going to give us – or at least some part of it, so we can have the money now to move to somewhere else? NO! We aren’t going to do that! GET OUT!
Can we list some of the items that the estate needs to sell and get a small commission for it? NO – Get Out!
Can we be paid something for the work we have done? HELL NO! Get out! That deal was with Daddy not us – GET OUT!

That is the family we have. This is where we are. I have lots of art and creative notes, a studio’s worth of over thirty years of work – do you think at all there would be a grant for artists that would apply to me? HELL NO – because my work isn’t in a gallery – it has to be framed to do that among other things. The couple or three times over the years that is has been accepted by art galleries, it couldn’t be framed properly and placed with them. I gave up and took my art online – in the art community, that means less than nothing. And, maybe it is all worth something with the right buyer or art collector and maybe not. Who knows. But it isn’t anything worthy of a grant from art groups, nor is it of value to get anything from it right now that could yield us money and a place to live and a way to get there.

Yes, pretty well impossible. And, now every time I think about the hours of helping others and that not being worth even those people helping me now – it feels pretty dismal. To be used by my family to secure the place and keep it from being vandalized or robbed, to keep it from falling down any further while they get their shit together on handling the estate, and getting rid of all the squirrels in the attic, the mice in the basement, deep cleaning and sorting of Mom’s hoard of goods which none of them ever did after she died in 2013 and now are sitting here to be dealt with – and to be the most vulnerable, economically disadvantaged members of our family – I mean REALLY? As well as my daughter taking full time care of Daddy and his household management for the last year of his life? REALLY> and this is all we have to show for doing the right things? Is to be further impoverished and homeless with no help whatsoever – because somehow, our lives aren’t worth anything? REALLY>

If 1,000 people gave $20 each right now, we could have the resources to get a car, to get a place to live, to go back to NYC where we should be and maybe get my Section 8 voucher sorted out so that I can have a place to live despite being unemployable because of my disabilities. But, no – nobody wants to do that and give up $20 to us. Why should they? And, right now – I can’t think straight enough to answer that either but I know we’ve been helpers in every community where we’ve lived, for what that’s worth.

  • cricketdiane

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DSC05577

If 1000 people gave $20 – our family wouldn’t become homeless in the next few days – but no.

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So our little family came from New York to Atlanta to help my Dad in his last year of his life, now the estate is putting us out and if I had $20 each from 1,000 people, we could get a place with the 3 months rent +deposits, utilities, transportation to get back to New York – but no.

It has been the mental stress of being thrown on the street by our other family members, not being given money for the work we did here & then being forced to be homeless again after the fire took everything 2 yrs ago – it would take so little from many to get a place, but no.

My daughter finally got an interview for a job in NYC that is Tuesday from a civil service test she took around the time of the fire that took our apt 2 yrs ago, if we had $30 from 2,000 people – we could go there and she could take that job & get an apt too – but no.

If the people who have enjoyed my artworks, my writings and who I’ve stopped to spend hours of my time helping over the years would give $20 each right now – our little family could be restored, get on our feet with an apartment and a job for my daughter in NYC where we had been living and go forward with our lives, but no.

If someone bought this from me and made a good business from it licensing the designs – we could have an apt and afford it, get back to NYC, get jobs and take care of ourselves, but no. CricketDiane Designs on Zazzle

If someone would buy all of my creative brainstorming notes with marketing ideas I couldn’t do – but would work for something, my design rights, art – anything like all of it, they could use it & that $20,000 would get us on our feet & a way back to NYC & an apt there, but no.

If somebody bought my blogs and carried on with them – but no. Or lent a hand with $20 – but it would take a lot of people doing that, but no. Or, if our family had actually paid us a bit for helping the estate and caretaking of Dad for his last year – but no. Just going homeless.

  • cricketdiane, 07-07-2018

**

I made a GoFundMe – the first part is this writing and the rest is me ranting about it – read it or not, but it won’t be because I didn’t ask for help as people have told me to do.

Yes it is frustrating. I’m using the tools from therapy to deal with the frustrations. And, of course – what I know about how to do that even in this tremendously stressful situation doesn’t have any monetary value either to anybody.

whatever – share, give or don’t. There’s nothing I can do to make this any better besides writing this out at this point, so I’m doing that.

https://www.gofundme.com/if-1000-people-gave-20-each-but-no

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Ocean Beach Posters for Beach Decor by CricketDiane and Cricket House Studios

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CricketDiane and Cricket House Studios Art and Design – Ocean Art / Beach Art / Beach Decor Art / Beach Posters / Ocean Posters

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Trying a Fundraiser to Make This Trump Painting for an Anger Management Project – Might End It After Tomorrow for Lack of Interest

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Ever want to just tear something up because of how angry you’ve felt? Well, me too. And, right now I feel that way about what is happening to our country by trump and his cohorts. So –

I had done this oil painting (36” x 48”), of a man and woman, nicely dressed for a commission and then they didn’t like it being that large and the man’s eyes weren’t shaped quite right – so, I stopped and didn’t finish it completely. It is hanging here in the living room.

Looking at it last week, I knew it could be painted to be Donald Trump and someone as the woman in it – like Ivanka or Melania – Putin or Kim Jong Un – Paul Ryan or Mitch McConnell.

If I paint their faces into the ones there, I’m not sure whose face would be the one next to The Donald.

But I do know, that after painting those faces in it, I would certainly want to destroy the painting in some creative way and maybe make a video of that as my own anger management because any of those combinations of people in the painting – and I feel angry knowing lots of damaging inhumane things they’ve done and are doing to our country. A lot of people feel that way too, in fact!

Check out the rest here –

https://www.gofundme.com/trump-anger-management-project

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I’m very disheartened about this being a worthwhile project. It seemed like doing it would be a great creative management of anger kind of thing to show how creativity to deal with anger could be useful. But, today – without any real traction for it and most of my family very pro-Trump anyway, it looks like it is destined to fail. I’ll give it another day, then scrap it and try something else.

  • cricketdiane, 07-05-2018

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Well, it was worth a try, though. Seemed like such a great way to do it.

 

Little Donnie Dare Trump limericks for the Resistance – SecondCivilWarLetters 4th of July 2018

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Little Donnie Dare

Grew up without a care,

He went to DC

To rattle a tree.

**

Then Donnie got there

They made fun of his hair,

They laughed at his wife

And made lots of strife.

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Little Donnie Dare

Has never once played fair,

He thinks its a breeze

With no one to please.

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Most days, Donnie Dare

Makes another nightmare,

He took all that he got

From those he made rot.

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Little Donnie Dare

Never learned how to share,

He tells only lies

Accuses and spies.

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It’s not Donnie Dare

Whose life will compare,

Since very bad things

Is all that it brings.

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Never Donnie Dare

Will know how to care,

Never does he feel

The hurt of the deal.

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Little Donnie Dare

Stole a very big Chair,

With ego and wit

He was a big twit.

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Little Donnie Dare

With a smile and a glare,

Rode on the free press

To make such a mess.

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When will Donnie Dare

Know shame and despair?

From ears to dead feet

He thought it was neat.

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Little Donnie Dare

With pretty golden hair,

His ego and greed

Serve only his need.

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Big man Donnie Dare

With butt cheeks au pair,

Believes all the praise

In hopes of their raise.

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If asked, Donnie Dare

Says those are not rare,

That everyone loves

His vile, little shoves.

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Little Donnie Dare

Loves his bleach blonde hair,

It goes with his tan

That’s never seen sand.

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Lying Donnie Dare

Thinks people will not care,

Who all could have known

He’d make him a throne.

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You’ll find Donnie Dare

In a president’s Chair,

But the chair he took,

Has everyone shook.

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Because Donnie Dare

Stole every prayer,

That everyone had

Against something bad.

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Little Donnie Dare

Now cruel as a bear,

Rightful King is he

Says his mind and deed.

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Listen Donnie Dare

This nation is a share,

There’s no king spot here

We hold freedom dear.

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Greedy Donnie Dare

We know you’re on a tear,

We are a nation

Who’ll change your station.

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Big Man Donnie Dare

With cruelty to spare,

From up at the top

We forced him to stop.

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And now Donnie Dare

Who mocked all our prayer,

Found out there’s a God

And trump it is not.

**

Little Donnie Dare

Became big man up there,

To DC, he went

Their money he spent.

**

Little Donnie Dareantitrump weapon of mass destitution 5a - cricketdiane 2018

 

Could not afford to care

Big Donnie neither

Lying, ranting tweeter.

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Limericks about trump

by CricketDiane, 2018

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#secondcivilwarletters

#resistance

#antitrump

#poetry

#funny

#4thofJuly

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Trump Anger Management Project

Fourth of July for #SecondCivilWar – sorry, bad twitter joke from the last couple days.

Added this effort today, been working on it several days, hand writing the notes and developing the project to paint one of my existing portraits that was commissioned but not accepted, from what it is now to a painting of trump and then destroy it in a creative way for a video. It is fundraising to support doing it, if you want to comment on whose face to put next to trump in the painting, or a creative way of destroying it – or give a few dollars to do it, check it out and take a moment to donate, share and comment.

Thanks,

CricketDiane

**

Why the rights of citizens are in jeopardy in the United States right now

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The inherent value of human life, dignity and equality is a basic tenet of the foundations of the United States. It is the basis that freed the slaves, gave women the right to vote, to own property and manage their own affairs. It is the foundation of human rights being valued and respected.

Our nation has supported this tenet in its many forms since its inception and over time, supported its ideals and premise to include all Americans more completely.

That is, until now. The current group of elected leaders in many states and in our national elected seats do not have any viable reason to support this tenet, so they don’t.

In a tiny percentage of all possible voters and citizens, that few have been allowed to take hold of positions of decision-making that affect us all, and those few don’t support the basic values of equality, human dignity, human rights and the inherent value of every human life, especially our own citizen’s lives and well-being.

That is where we are now, with the decision-making in this nation resting in the hands of a small group of people who hold the lives of Americans and their well-being in contempt and derision, rather than in esteem and honor.

  • cricketdiane, 04-03-2018

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Wanna Know How I’m Different Than You – People Wouldn’t Try Doing This Shit To You

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We’ve already done enough for the estate (of Bobby Phillips and his / our family) –

Written by Diane C. Phillips, June 25, 2018

 

How am I different than you? Probably nobody would even try to do this to you. They do it to me because they know I have disabilities and am economically disadvantaged.

 

  1. We covered bills that were the responsibility of the estate and weren’t paid back for them.
  2. We secured the property for months when no other way was provided by executors.
  3. We’ve managed the property for months insuring that further damage to the physical property, plumbing, etc. was tended to immediately and prevented.
  4. We gathered bills as they came in, papers and documents requested by executors and made sure they got those in a timely way.
  5. We (Kasha) made a digital spreadsheet of all the household bills, account numbers, amounts and monthly due dates for them and emailed it to the executors and backup family member who may have taken that job if required.
  6. We’ve been harassed, threatened, bullied, endangered by executors’ inactions as well as by their direct choices to make things harder and more dangerous for us.
  7. We (Diane) spent four months, seven days a week for nearly all the hours of the day – cleaning, deep-cleaning, organizing, sorting and readying the items of the estate and the property for the benefit of the estate to be handled by the executors and as requested by the owner of the estate, Dad.
  8. We (Diane) cleaned enough of the attic to be able to remove vermin – squirrels that were nesting there and damaging estate possessions stored there.
  9. We removed the squirrels from the attic that were nesting there and removed the mice nesting the basement and other areas of the house, prevented the vermin from nesting in the house and did so without the use of poisons.
  10. We (Kasha) covered a squirrel entry point on one outside corner of the roof’s rotting fascia board with scored aluminum sheeting to prevent entry by the squirrels.
  11. We kept vandals and thieves from being able to enter the property despite the executors leaving the outer doors to the basement and another from the driveway in no condition to be secured or adequately locked in any way.
  12. We endured a winter without the furnace repaired to heat the house, had water and gas turned off while we were here known to be caring for the property at Dad’s insistence – during the wintertime because the estate didn’t pay those bills, and executors decided not to pay them.
  13. Because the executors chose to not ask for emergency papers of administration in a timely way, nor made any efforts to secure nor to manage the property and its assets in any other way, we continued to work under Dad’s consent and request of us to do that. And, we did it with integrity, decency and with every reasonableness as he asked us to do and in good faith of promises executors continued to make to us that they would help us financially to relocate somewhere else adequate to our needs when time came to do so.
  14. We have endured days of extreme heat due to executors choosing not to fix the central air in the house and have had our own health and well-being endangered. We’ve also seen and reported to the executors that fine art, slides and family photos, electronics and other assets of the estate are being permanently altered by the heat as a result of it and de-valued from the state they were in and had been due to our own care and efforts.
  15. We have been further impoverished and provably endangered as a direct result of the actions taken and the “refusal to act” decisions made by the executors, both before officially becoming executors in April 2018 (months after Dad died on Sept.30, 2017) during which time they knew they were going to be the executors AND after taking the oath with the probate court.
  16. We (Diane, and as part of my household, Kasha and Allia) have our own financial resources at risk that are in jeopardy directly because of Dad’s estate and its executors further impoverishing us of the meager resources we do have, and using our time and efforts without any financial exchange commensurate with those efforts, failing to make good on their verbal promises to help us financially re-establish our household elsewhere knowing we must go back to New York City where our own financial resources are located and in place, AND by literally keeping us here to do the job of securing and managing the property because they don’t want to spend any money to have it done in some other way, nor do they want to stay at the property themselves.
  17. Bequests / bequeathments from the will assigned to us are being withheld from us and no true inventory is being made of Dad’s estate by the executors before proceeding to open the property to the public for an estate sale without any approval by the court despite the will being probated in solemn form. The executors claim that no money is needed by the estate to pay outstanding debts but have every intention of hosting a yard sale-style estate sale and are already currently selling things from the estate online and in person, before any bequeathments are made and before any appraisals of antiques and large collections of collectibles, antiques and advertising memorabilia are made AND before doing or giving the court any accurate assessment or inventory of what is here.
  18. Further, we are not not today or have we ever, during this time, been allowed full enjoyment of this space. It is not legally a rental property, it cannot be a legally rentable property in its current and ongoing condition, 90% of its physical space is occupied by, in excess of 200K individual items that belong to Mom and Dad’s estate and the physical property is not up to any reasonable standard of habitation. (See list of those deficiencies and dangers.)
  19. By not managing the estate and its assets properly including the vast groups of possessions from years of collecting goods that are stored here, and by not adequately putting the tools and resources in our hands to do it adequately either (ie. heat/ac fixed, for instance) – the two executors of Dad’s estate are knowingly damaging and devaluing the assets of his estate as well as intentionally endangering our lives, our financial resources, and our health and well-being. The lost opportunity cost of us being here is staggering and most, if not all of our resources that are financial, business assets, personal belongings and future opportunities to have those resources are currently in jeopardy because of being here and the actions of these executors / family members.
  20. We have been unmercifully harassed by the executors throughout these months and commonly with abusive emotional bullying, demands, inordinate and unnecessary increased stress and intimidation tactics being used by them.
  21. We were prevented from selling any of our things by the estate failing to keep house insurance paid and then not re-activating it until June of this year.
  22. We were further prevented to sell any of our business assets here such as my stored artworks or other things of any kind that belong to us to get the money we need to move elsewhere by the executors’ actions of not making a complete accurate inventory of Dad’s estate and submitting it to the probate court,
  23. We were prevented from offering any classes or workshops in doing art or using social media or anything else we are qualified and capable of doing, both because the executors did not keep the house insurance current and because they sai outright for us not to do that, even on the back porch.
  24. We have not been allowed to have our friends come over for a backyard barbecue or, (aside from one friend of Kasha’s) allowed to have any friends, or others from the community or the neighborhood come to visit us here for any reason.
  25. We have been denied basic phone service at the property by the executors that we would need in the event one of us has our phone and the other is sitting here. And, denied access to a clean, safe, reasonably healthy environment to live in while we have been here serving the interests of and to the benefit of Dad’s estate. Nor have the executors made any real efforts in these nine months to do so.
  26. Executors claim that they’ve given us eight months rent-free is not accurate nor adequate to give any value or financial benefit to us because the property is not appropriate nor fit nor safe for anyone to rent for any amount of money. We have babysat this property and its assets now for nine months during which time is was not and is not appropriately habitable, safe, adequate nor rentable to anyone.
  27. We have been and continue to be very intentionally jeopardized by the executors of Dad’s estate even as they continue to fail to secure and/or manage the property in any other way than us physically being here 24/7. That is wrong for us in ways that are increasing our health issues, damaging our mental and emotional health and well-being, intentionally impoverishing us further and jeopardizing our continued access to the limited financial resources we do have in place.
  28. We have reason to believe and some measure of proof that the executors are squandering the assets and values of the assets that belong to the estate and have the continued intentions to do so. We have reasonable concerns about this especially given the diligent efforts we’ve made to secure and keep those values intact.
  29. We have served as stewards of this / Dad’s estate with honesty, integrity and offering our cooperation with the executors at every turn. We sold nothing, traded none of our estate nor Dad’s estate since he has been gone, gave away none of it and have taken nothing out of this place to anywhere. We have been hindered from leaving by not being able to legally remove any of our own belongings and assets of our estates and households nor being able to sell or to derive any other income during our time here and because the mishandling of Dad’s estate by the executors further impoverished the resources we did have available to us.
  30. We (Kasha) provided to complete care and management of Dad and his household responsibilities for the last year of his life which cost me not having her as a helper that allows me to function well despite my disabilities and despite doing the 24/7 care and multitude of jobs required of her, not her food, not pay, not financial resources were made available to her, simply a place for her and her daughter to stay while performing those services of household management, driving, personal care of Dad, taking him and staying with him for all his doctor appointments, getting the bills into the mail, taking down derelict structures on the property and getting them to the landfill, doing plumbing repairs, cooking all the meals, doing all the shopping and other errands for him and his household, archiving family photos on the computer, doing all the other computer based activities he needed done, getting estimates and contractors out to fix some of the major plumbing repairs needed and the re-roofing done, removal of old eyesore vehicles as he requested, cleaning up from where he was sick, keeping the house clean and helping on immediate call to his side twenty-four hours a day with no days off for over a year, among other things. She also helped to remove two drunk family members who had been allowed to stay with Dad and commonly were violent and destroying the house and property. For all this, she was paid nothing but to have a place to sleep so not only did it rob me of the help I needed that she provided to my household, it cost our household the entirety of a year’s pay she could have made while doing those jobs for the estate and for our family without being paid anything.
  31. We were intentionally deceived by the executors’ promises and claims that they would financially help us to reestablish our home adequately for our best interests, away from here when the time comes to do so and we operated in good faith that it would be as they repeatedly said about that. Now, instead of making good on those promises or any of that, we’re being told by executors to go to a homeless shelter and leave our pets to be abandoned and killed in some animal shelter, and either get our things out of here or to abandon those as well, which obviously cannot be taken to a homeless shelter. They did offer us bus tickets yesterday for us to take ourselves to the homeless shelter there and maybe $50 or less to help us have some spending money.

 

So, how am I different than you? Probably nobody would even try to do this to you. They do it to me because they know I have disabilities and am economically disadvantaged. My family did it to us because they wanted to do it that way and not in any other way. They knew what they were doing to us.

 

  • Cricketdiane, Diane C. Phillips, 06-25-2018

 

**

We might have to make some kind of GoFundMe or CrowdJustice campaign to get some legal help with all this, but haven’t yet.

If you would like to donate to help us better our situation and also to get attorneys that could help us, please donate to dianecphillips@gmail.com on paypal.

Thank you.

It actually feels better simply writing all this out somewhere and asking for help to carry it. I can’t stand for this anymore.

Thanks for reading. Please share it, if you get a chance.

**

By the way, all of my artworks that still exist are sitting here at my Dad’s house, if you want any of it for a small price – let me know. I will need to sell it quickly or it will be in the garbage because of these people in my family.

Also, I’m offering my business assets including all the licensing of my designs, online blogs and stores, my rights to any and all of it, for sale so that we can have the money to go somewhere else and set up our home rather than the shelter system. It has never realized the potential profits that it could and even one design that becomes popular could certainly more than pay for buying it right now when I need the money. Otherwise, it is of no help to me unfortunately. But, if you know anyone who would like to buy it and do something with it – email me at the address above. I understand it is probably not going to work, to offer it since my own efforts have not made it a success already – but what the hell. If you want to do something with it and help me at the same time to go elsewhere, let me know.

Thanks again.

cricketdiane

**

Here is one of the GoFundMe Campaigns my daughter Kasha has made to try and help our situation – please donate and share –

https://www.gofundme.com/please-save-my-pets

Apparently, it is okay in our family to use people known to have disabilities and who are economically vulnerable and disadvantaged, then to deny even the most humane of resources to them after using them. There are no disability rights in America. And, in many families like ours, there is nothing but derision and disrespect for those who are damaged family members, even if they are not drunks or drug addicts – which we are not. The only sin in America is not having money and that is one we apparently will continue to endure because all the assets that could be made available to us having worked for Daddy and his estate all this time, are being denied to us. In fact, those resources that would financially help us to re-establish somewhere else, are under siege by family members denying this to us. That is oppressive and barbaric.

**

BTW – Here is the list of reasons that this property belonging to Dad’s estate can not be rented to anyone and is not a safe, habitable environment to have had us stay in –

  1. About 90% of the usable space in this house is taken up by mountains of clutter belonging to the estate from collectibles and antiques to things Mom bought where ever at some point.
  2. There is a small bathroom that is completely unusable but while it was in use, its sewage was flowing into the basement into a bucket Dad was emptying every so often and it overflowed a number of times. Some repairs were made to that plumbing, but the raw sewage has remained coating walls, floor joists under the bathroom and the floor of the basement room below it. When dampness occurs from rain seeping through basement’s concrete walls, the smell of the sewage there is activated and overwhelming.
  3. There is a broken shower plumbing and various leaks in the other bathroom although it is usable and this has caused its own rotting wood, mold and mildew problems in there.
  4. The hand railing and columns on the front of the house along its porch are no longer attached and could easily give way allowing someone to fall. There are loose bricks on the steps – we try to not go out that way or use that area.
  5. There are the shit and piss of squirrels that were in the attic and mice that were in the basement and areas of the house which were not cleaned up. We got rid of the mice, the yellow jackets that had taken over the main bathroom and the squirrels in the attic but their mess remains – we were told by executors to leave it alone.
  6. The basement door and the outside door to the driveway cannot be secured because of missing window panes and the basement door lock does not seat in the frame nor has it for some years.
  7. Black mold and powdery mildew are common throughout the house, in the air system, in the basement and attic as well as commonly found throughout the main living areas of the house.
  8. The electrical system in the house is far from normal or safe. Entire series of wiring, including for lights in the hall, den, kitchen and one of the back bedrooms, is on but not in use with the switches taped over to not use them (by Dad) because they were known to not be safe. A number of electrical outlets are either partly usable or not usable for the same reason – found throughout the house, including in the rooms where we sleep and areas where we are staying.
  9. Water has been found inside the globe of an electrical hanging lamp that used to serve as an entry light in the living room near the front door. It can’t be used.
  10. The roof had needed to be repaired for over five years, when Kasha finally insisted it get fixed last year and Dad agreed to get it done. In the meantime that the roof needed repairing, damage occurred to the rafters and to various places in the ceilings – with bowing areas of walls and ceilings that can be seen.
  11. The sink in the kitchen has a drain that leaks into the basin below in the cabinet and so one side can’t be used except with a dishpan. It has set up a certain amount of black mold that commonly is found in the kitchen, including on the seals of the refrigerator no matter how often it is cleaned.
  12. There is a rotting fascia board and underboard next to the roof that is getting further wet rot from the gutters being damaged for quite a while (some years) and not being repaired nor cleaned out. Years ago, I was helping Dad do that and it doesn’t look like it has been done much since then (about six years ago).
  13. There are huge trees near the house, some of which have roots that clearly show signs of erosion around them. The executors had some tree cutting services out to check prices for removing them and the services identified needing to remove several major trees that sit within feet of the back porch and whose branches clearly hang over the roof and a large one in the front yard as well as a half-dozen dead or diseased trees in the backyard that could cause others to come down with them.
  14. The fireplace does not work and the brickwork must be redone for it to ever be used. We stay away from it. That fireplace is in the den. Areas surrounding the fireplace show that the floor has dropped by at least a couple inches next to it from the level of the rest of the floor which may mean some leak had caused damage there or some other structural problem.
  15. There are wet rot damages to floor joists and supporting subflooring under both bathrooms that is clearly evident from the basement looking up.
  16. Most of the plumbing leaks causing mold and mildew to be prevalent as well.
  17. The oven is avocado green from the seventies and still in use. It has evidence of overheating and an oddly hanging heating element in it.
  18. The heater (for central heating and air conditioning in the house) was found to have a flex pipe for the gas feed when the gas company came to check it and said that was not appropriate (maybe not legal and certainly not safe) so the gas company worker would not allow the gas to flow to the heater until that is fixed. It was discovered before the recent winter’s cold spells, but the executors chose not to get it fixed. It prevented the heater from being used during the winter. The air conditioner did not turn on, despite having been replaced with a new one for the system less than five years ago. The executors have selected not fixing it either.
  19. The yard cannot be used for play because of a massive inundation of red ants which has been a recurring problem which Kasha had fixed last summer while Dad was alive and now we have no way to fix that for this year.
  20.  The air quality in this house is dangerous because of black mold and powdery mildew spores, massive dust from years of the house not being properly cleaned and mountains of collected belongings being coated with it, as well as carpets, curtains, and this despite my efforts to do as much deep cleaning as I could when I was first here and before the people in our family expected to become the executors insisted that they would take care of that and then didn’t.
  21. There are a number of other issues – I’ll come back and add them later. But, the ones above are certainly more than enough reasons (and they are known by the executors and other family members), to indicate that this house as it is now and has been during our stay here is not considered any property that could be rented by anyone – nor does it come up to the basic standards of any safe dwelling that would be called appropriate to live in.

**

BTW –

About CricketDiane –

I’ve been creating nearly every day since I was a kid and that is over 50 years. I’ve created in numerous ways in a range that moves from art to problem-solving to inventing, creating music, sculpting and painting to writing and doing various computer / online based projects.

“It is better to make the effort to move forward and release the flow of ideas to work with them and do things creatively, create things and invent and write and make – I definitely know that by experience.” – cricketdiane, 2018

 

**

 

You can find more of my art and designs here –

CricketDiane and Cricket House Studios Store on Zazzle

 

and other blog writings by me here –

https://cricketdiane.wordpress.com/

https://cricketdiane.com/

On YouTube –

CricketDiane Phillips

 

**

The website for Cricket House Studios Art and Design is found here –

http://www.crickethousestudios.com/

And see my current efforts on GoFundMe to make a board game I created into a video game that I’m working on right now – (NOT active right now – re-analyzing this effort)

The Scared Donkey Mine Money Game by CricketDiane on GoFundMe

 

Thanks for checking us out!

The Cricket House Studios Team and CricketDiane

**

What Happened in a High Stress Situation Using the Tools From Therapy and 12 Step Programs In the Real World of Family, Probate and Legal Matters

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**

I’ve remembered all morning, about my sister, Kim handing me a stack of one-sided razor blades a couple days ago, that she had been using one of, back in Mom’s bedroom.

That happened this last weekend (a couple days ago now), when she was here to work with the things for Dad’s estate as one of the two executors. My wrists clearly have scars from using those type of razor blades to try and slit my wrists years ago right after being raped and then again some years later after my first marriage fell apart. She has first-hand knowledge of those experiences with me trying to commit suicide and here she was, handing a stack of them to me to “keep up with” as I sat at the table on the back porch.

On Saturday morning of this weekend while my sister was here, we received a letter dated June 6, 2018 from the co-executors’ lawyer demanding we leave this house by seven days from the letter’s date and that any arrangement Dad had made with us to be here was no longer appropriate for the executors.

June 6 Letter CricketDiane DSC05557

June 6 Letter pg 2 - CricketDiane 2018 DSC05559

So, after my sister and son as co-executors of my Dad’s estate where I was  brought at my Dad’s insistence and demand that I help him and my daughter, Kasha who was here in his last year to manage his household, care for him and helping with his estate, that I too, be here, live here until the house is sold and help with his last days and his estate, – not only were neither of us paid for any of the work we were doing and continue to do for the estate and for the benefits being derived by the estate by us being here at his request, Kim and Alliene as executors sent us a letter to get out in seven days, which we received and read Saturday morning of this last weekend while my sister, Kim was here. Then, she hands me those razors the next morning knowing my history and life story. What?

That means, after receiving a full-on “no” that the estate will not pay us to have helped with the estate and knowing we have no other resources with which to leave, to move, to re-establish ourselves elsewhere – and a demand to relinquish this property in seven days from its date of June 6, my sister came to me sitting at a table on the back porch obviously upset and stressed about being given a few days to leave, having no money to do so, not knowing what will happen to us, and having all our work and efforts devalued to nothing by them, my sister handed me a stack of brand new one-sided razor blades like I used to slit my wrists and die when i was fifteen years old and had been raped.

It isn’t possible to say that my sister didn’t know such a letter could cause immediate hardship, stress, anxiety, fear, overwhelming and difficult emotions such as despair, – nor that she wouldn’t have known the significance of handing me razor blades knowing my life’s history personally as she does when I was much younger and the despair and futility of being considered worthless by my family made it not worth living. She had insisted earlier, that I come back to Mom’s bedroom with her and had mentioned that she was using those razors and couldn’t find where she had put the one she was using – before coming out to the porch with the rest of the pack for me to “keep up with”.

CricketDiane 2018 Old Scars DSC05561CricketDiane Old Suicide Scars DSC05562

In fact, I have tools today that I didn’t have those other times in my life and started using them and have been actively using those psychological tools from years of therapy – throughout this very difficult emotionally charged situation at my Dad’s house.

I’m living in a house where someone I loved and hold very dear – has died, trying my best to make good on what he asked me to do and demanded with great enough insistence that I left NYC / Staten Island to come here and do it. And, I’ve been making good to that agreement with him to do it but it hasn’t been easy. It has been difficult and then aggravated on top of that by actions from Kim and Alliene’s choices such as this current one in this letter.

So when Kim handed me the stack of razor blades to “keep up with” and sit out here on the table so I can “keep up with them”, – my actions were to take the stack from her, (5-6 razors with their cardboard sheath protecting the blades), and say, “Come with me – Come on” as I insisted she come into the house with me to put them away in a place where I had made to put all of those types of razor blades and exacto knife blades in a drawer cubby on the art shelves.

I showed her and said that starting when I got here, I gathered these and put them here as I found them so I would know where they were if they were needed but I wouldn’t see them all the time since years ago that seemed like a solution at times when I felt despair, futility and being worthless. Even though it has been many years since cutting on myself or cutting my wrists or attempting suicide, I will never take for granted that it had at one time been a prominent option on my list of choices to fix what seemed to be impossible situations and dismal feelings caused by those situations.

Razors Single Edged - CricketDiane 2018 DSC05553

When we walked back outside, I did talk to Kim about it – that since I work to buy time to use other tools and solutions first, it is better for me to put things like those razors in a known place that I don’t see as I move around the house. And, I pointed to the scars from those old attempts to take my own life using razor blades that she had seen, knew all about and I told her that now I know some part of cutting myself was to just make the awful feelings of despair, worthlessness and rejection feel different – or simply to feel anything that was just not that anymore. Now, I use other tools to handle it instead but I don’t take it for granted that I will always use the healthier tools, especially in this family situation with the executors telling me that the efforts we’ve made are worthless and of no value.

Maybe she had not expected to hear anything like that said aloud nor for my response to her actions to be that. She acted a bit uncomfortable hearing it said but that is one of the tools I can use now, that years ago – I did not have.

And, I did tell her that I and Kasha had been taking a lot of hits to our self-esteem from her and Alliene in all this because it seems they are saying we are worthless and taking advantage and our efforts here have no value and don’t count for anything when we came here to help and in all good fairness and in good faith, have been doing that as Dad asked us to do. I said to Kim, that it seems they believe the exact opposite of those things we thought we were doing here for the family, for Daddy, for them and for the estate and its assets.

And now – get out – no monetary help nor any money toward the things we did do for Daddy and for his estate – no way to get back to New York where I am a resident and no money to re-establish somewhere else and no, we can’t borrow against any money we could expect to inherit when Daddy had told me in the last month of his life that I should be getting $40,000 from my inheritance just like each of twelve people listed in the will, from his estate including all the antiques and collectibles in it, other things here, the house, the insurance, savings and checking and other valuables.

My sister claims he told her there should be $300,000 to divide between the twelve listed in the will, not including the land he owned in South Carolina, which the estate hasn’t even probated yet in that state as they must. Regardless, we aren’t going to be allowed to take a loan from the estate against any of that possible amount now, so that we can leave. They (Kim and Alliene) say that any agreement to work on behalf of the estate’s best interests made by Dad, disappeared once he died even though they didn’t probate the will for months later and somebody had to continue taking care of it in the interim. And, they still haven’t made arrangements to secure it in any other way or manage the basic care of the property and its assets in any other way, even as of today, June 12, 2018.

As executors, they also haven’t made an appropriate inventory and turned it in to the probate court for the belongings of Dad’s estate such that it can be known what is not ours, NOR made any written permission to us so we can move our things, or sell any of our things or do anything about them yet either.

And, it looks like, from this letter – that on the 13th or 15th (seven days or seven business days from the date on the letter), the executors may come with the Marshal and make us get out of this house, forced to leave all our belongings behind and no way to do anything about it – but I’m not supposed to let that upset me, stress me out, cause me anxiety or worry, not be angry or feel hurt by it or feel afraid despite not knowing what we can do about any of it.

Two of my sons told me about a week and a half ago when they were here talking to us, not to sell my art, not to sell my paintings that are here to try to get money for us to move somewhere else saying it is a bad idea and one of those sons was Alliene who is a co-executor of the estate and yet my sister says we can sell our things if we make a list of them for her, but there is no list of what things belong to Dad’s estate so we know what is considered part of it. Very confusing. And, if we do sell our things, are we even allowed to have people come here to buy them? Are we legally allowed to do that – because the little bit of probate law we could read about it says we can’t until the court decides it is okay, and we aren’t allowed to approach that court about anything. Kim and Alliene won’t make a written statement or a notarized anything that says it is okay for us to sell our things, and we’ve asked a number of times.

And, now – magically abandon everything we own, every original work of art, tool and personal belonging we have to leave with no money, no car, no way to get anywhere and no way to get a place to live somewhere else – after Kasha working for Dad and his estate over a year and a half – and me working for months here for the benefit of the estate. It isn’t a place anyone could rent, the list of things that are not okay about this house make that obvious along with having about 90% of the space cluttered with belongings we have to take care about every moment we are here, among other things that would prevent anyone from renting this house that are significant.

xx

So, we have called Legal Aid in Atlanta but don’t know yet if they can help us nor what can be done about any of this. This section of the law that the executors’ lawyer cited for having us removed from Dad’s house calls us, sharecroppers. And, we haven’t heard back from Legal Aid yet, but Kasha talked with them a couple times yesterday on the phone and sent them all the information she could about it and texts between us and the executors, and I don’t know what all. I’m not sure there are any attorneys to help us with this if we are sharecroppers. We are certainly unpaid staff and have been the entire time we’ve been here.

And, I sit here today on the porch not knowing what to do. They want our things including all my estate’s belongings and business assets like my paintings and our personal belongings out – many of which have been stored here since I went to New York about six years ago, and many of which have been stored here for years because my mother said they could be here and then she would have me come over to get them and wouldn’t let me take them – but she got me to make her some fried chicken while I was here, of course.

But with all the things we’ve read in the law saying we can’t take anything out of here until Dad’s estate has been inventoried and submitted to the probate court which the executors haven’t done yet, how are we supposed to do that? Are we now to be robbed of everything we own, after having lost everything we took to New York with me and had created or come to own there – in a fire two years ago? And, on top of being taken advantage of working here – now we are to walk away with nothing from those efforts and lose every last piece of our possessions and business assets too?

These family members acting as executors don’t even know which things are which, what was painted by my mother or by me or by someone else, they’ve already decided that since I’m bequeathed all the art supplies and had my own from my studio stored here as well, that frames are not art supplies and they are going to sell those, and that I can’t have anything listed for me to have in the will including the art supplies (even those belonging to me in the first place), until the very end of probate, if it hasn’t already been sold, even though all Dad’s bills are already paid right now. It doesn’t make sense.

And, my sons telling me I shouldn’t sell my art and that it is a bad idea – but how else am I to get the money to move us to somewhere else as the estate is demanding? It is me, my daughter Kasha, her eight-year old daughter, the dog and the cat (both of whom have rid this house of vermin – squirrels, mice and chipmunks included plus keeping a very unsecurable property as the video shows – secured, so they’ve worked here too.)

And, they tell me I’m crazy.

No, this shit is crazy and would make anyone crazy. I’m so glad for years of therapy now with tools to use, like writing this long-hand and then into my blog, talking it out, saying the difficult things honestly and candidly without holding back, buying time before acting or reacting, asking for help, finding others who know more about it to ask for help from, helping others around me rather than thinking only about whatever it is in front of me that is upsetting me, sharing what is happening in my world and how I feel about it – and many other tools. These are making a world of difference to me getting through this situation right now and hopefully, making some new options available to our family we’ve suffered in years before – because we didn’t have. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but living in the moment to take one more small step through this – I’m still just amazed I’m still here standing in my own two feet doing it.

Although, to be honest – most of the last three days since we got that letter, the main tool – the biggest tool I’ve been using came from 12 step programs years ago, that is the throwing each thing as it is on my mind bothering me worrying me in this situation, into God’s hands and visualizing it going into His Hands. It’s called, hanging onto your ass in those programs.

  • cricketdiane, 066-12-2018

**

So what this family had actually done  is to take the most disadvantaged and vulnerable people in this family – financially, psychologically, emotionally, and resource-wise to put in this situation to care for the household and needs of a dying man and all the complexities of his estate’s physical assets then not pay them any kind of money for doing it and tell them to get out with nothing to use to live anywhere else or to set up a home and get it going until jobs and resources can be set up there to pay for it. Really?

**

CricketDiane 2018 June DSC05543

My Note to Readers –

Please forgive me, but you’re going to be walking along with me for a little while in my personal life through my blog. If this information is not valuable to you, I’m sorry about that. It is fraught with the strange perils of the mundane variety living in today’s America and using the ephemeral tools of psychologists on those difficult real life situations as they are happening. It isn’t pretty. And, it doesn’t always feel good doing it, butt it still matters to be able to do it when living situations are their most difficult, impossible and filed with stressful facts to deal with.

This is neither the worst things in life to deal with nor is it the best. It is what my life experiences are right now and about how I’m using these psychological tools I’ve been taught in therapy and 12-step programs and head injury programs in order to get through these experiences right now.

And, for the record – having used this tool of writing it out long-hand and then posting it on my blog which has never really worked to change the feelings about any of it – I can say that, this time having done it today, it has changed the feelings of futility and despair and worthlessness into something else. I don’t know what the something else is, but it is different. Thank God.

**

Introducing the Little Shop Out Back Preview for Studios of CricketDiane Art and New Ocean Paintings

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New paintings, offering a pitch about brainstorming as a business service to businesses, organizations and projects plus a preview of the Little Shop Out Back that I’m staging for Cricket House Studios and CricketDiane 2018 are shown off in this new video made today. It turned out funny instead of serious but I’m posting it anyway.

  • cricketdiane

**

About CricketDiane –

I’ve been creating nearly every day since I was a kid and that is over 50 years. I’ve created in numerous ways in a range that moves from art to problem-solving to inventing, creating music, sculpting and painting to writing and doing various computer / online based projects.

“It is better to make the effort to move forward and release the flow of ideas to work with them and do things creatively, create things and invent and write and make – I definitely know that by experience.” – cricketdiane, 2018

 

**

 

You can find more of my art and designs here –

CricketDiane and Cricket House Studios Store on Zazzle

 

and other blog writings by me here –

https://cricketdiane.wordpress.com/

https://cricketdiane.com/

On YouTube –

CricketDiane Phillips

 

**

The website for Cricket House Studios Art and Design is found here –

http://www.crickethousestudios.com/

And see my current efforts on GoFundMe to make a board game I created into a video game that I’m working on right now – (NOT active right now – re-analyzing this effort)

The Scared Donkey Mine Money Game by CricketDiane on GoFundMe

 

Thanks for checking us out!

The Cricket House Studios Team and CricketDiane

 

**