Seeking a publisher – and no I don’t have seven dollars a piece to send it in the mail to every publisher in America so I can wallpaper my bathroom with rejection letters . . . the Got No Money Guides I’ve written are needed in America right now – what business wants to use this publication to help their business make money today?

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Dear _ _ –

This is a request for submission to have a book of humor published. It screams redneck – it screams recession – it screams lighten up.

There is a group of writings called, “The Got No Money Guides To Good Living Anyway.” It includes the Got No Money Guide to Home Security, The Got No Money Guide to Home Decorating, The Got No Money Guide to Good Living, and others.

During this time of economic recession, there are a lot of people having the experiences described by this light hearted look at living with no money. It is funny. It is based on true experiences during my personal recession some years ago.

I would be interested in submitting these materials to you for publication. There is enough already written to produce a small coffee table or gift book. More could certainly be created by me to fill several hundred pages or several books with a matching title for a series. Are you interested in seeing this material and negotiating the opportunity to publish?

Thankyou,

“Cricket” Diane C Phillips
1525 Terrell Mill Place, Apt. H
Marietta, GA  30067

(770) 933-9467

dianecphillips@comcast.net
https://cricketdiane.wordpress.com/
http://cricketdianecphillips.wordpress.com/
Excerpt from the “Got No Money Guide to Home Decorating”

Got No Money Guide to Home Decorating
Copyright 2008, 2007, 1992 Cricket Diane C Phillips
Genius is to be Resourceful, ingenious, daring, creative and let go of the confounded limitations in propriety cricket quote from 1999

*When you got no money it’s not the same as being poor. Poor is a state of mind. Got no money is a fact.

*A trail of stars:
Camping under the stars – Glow in the dark stars on every ceiling is easier than camping –
no bugs, no rain, real beds and the keys don’t get locked in the car.

* With a nature sounds recording – you’ll think you’re in the woods till your ex-mother-in-law comes over.

*The best way to approach decorating when there is no money is to choose a color scheme and really stick with it. One of our favorites is cardboard brown, grey and glow in the dark.

* You know houseplants are just fast growing weeds with a pot stuck under them.

* Houseplants are easier to hang than bankers but not near as much fun to watch.

* For 99 cents , you can glo-in-the-dark anything. Who needs fancy emergency lights and a generator for a storm? Put enough glo-in-the-dark paint around and you can’t tell the difference.

* We glo-in-the-dark everything. We can find our shoes in the dark, our stove in the dark, my husband’s privates in the dark.

* Don’t say anything to my husband about the glo-in-the-dark privates thing. He never looks down at himself and I haven’t told him.

* Plastic flowers in the window boxes were a great idea from a friend of mine, but we couldn’t afford them. So, we put that idea with another problem we kept having and now our windows have really great dirty socks on a stick in the boxes. From the street, you can’t tell anyway.

*No, they don’t glo-in-the-dark. But, we could do that . . .

*My husband keeps asking what happened to all his socks. So you think I should tell him? He can’t divorce me. We don’t have any money.

* I started to wallpaper the bathroom with legal papers. The government is the only one that can afford paper. They sent a tone of it to our house. Surely it could be a decorating element. You can’t wipe with it.

(There’s more on this topic.)

Excerpt from the Got No Money Guide to Home Security –

Got No Money Guide to Home and Personal Security
Copyright 2008, 2007, 1991 by Cricket Diane C Phillips
Got No Money Guide to Home Security

Most people get a sticker for their window that says,  Protected by xx Security and Alarm  or something like that. Then, of course, every month there is a fee for the company to protect the property by manning the alarms.

When you got no money, that isn’t realistic. So, to help the world of folks with no money, these are anti-theft suggestions and crime deterrents as stickers for the home, car and personal property:

*Already pawned everything of value.

*There’s a reason I drive a beat-up Ford.

*We were the 223 millionth American family to file for bankruptcy. What they didn’t take isn’t worth stealing.

*Ex air traffic controller – Ex postal carrier – go for it – make my day.

*The credit cards in my wallet were maxed out three months ago. I was arrested at an atm for trying to withdraw my own money. The bankruptcy will be final eventually after my ex-wife’s lawyers are done screwing up my life. Have it all – your luck has to be better than mine.

*If you steal my checks or atm card – you’ll have to beat the checks to the bank just like I do.

*We couldn’t afford our car insurance and this vehicle is registered with the State Office of No Insurance. Take it at your own risk. Oh yeah – and I’ve been meaning to get the brakes fixed – use the parking brake if you’re going to want to stop at all. Just tug real hard.

*Unemployed Taxpayer.

*Our house is in foreclosure. Please feel free to take the rest so we don’t have to pay movers.
*Everything here came from the thrift store. Help yourself.

*We are justifiably poor. We follow a religious order. Apparently you need to join. We can save you. Come back when we’re here and we will.

*Do you know how many ways you can make macaroni and cheese into different meals? We do. We aren’t doing that because we can afford to go out to eat. Our children think happy meals are days we can eat rice and bologna. Don’t tell ‘em.

*Unemployed long enough to hate everybody. Come on in.

*We own a black and white tv. The children put rocks in our cassette player. We have two lamps that don’t work and the telephone’s ringer don’t ring since I threw it at the wall. If you really want it – go for it.

(There’s more . . . )

Excerpt from:

More Got No Money Home and Personal Security

More stickers for the protection of home, self and property:

Got No Money Guide 2007 Anti-Theft Bumper Stickers – More from 2007

It’s easy to understand that a little sticker on the car or home windows could deter criminals from desiring an end prize that isn’t worth it. Security company logos are used on property all the time to let the bad guys know the risk involved. But, if the thieves only knew . . .

* Before stealing this car – check the gas gauge. Yes, it is on E isn’t it?

* And how much money did you bring with you to stop by the Quicky Mart for gas? If things are bad enough to be stealing this car, you are in for a shock when you stop for gas . . . You know, it doesn’t go without gas, right?

* Apparently “D” doesn’t stand for “Daring to Believe”. I wish I had known that before I bought it and spent all my money to drive it. If you want to steal it, let me know and I’ll send you the payment book, the insurance forms and the maintenance schedule. You can have it all.

* The only air conditioning on this car is rolling down the windows. You might want to know what that rattling sound is under the car. Never mind – go ahead and steal it.

* Isn’t this just the perfect car you’ve always wanted? I felt that way, too. Would you like to know why I don’t feel that way anymore?

* If you knew what the auto mechanic wanted to fix this car – you’d get out of the business of stealing and be a mechanic.

* You just made my day. Thanks so much for wanting something I have. And my mom said this car was a worthless piece of – well, never mind what she said.

* I have a bank account I can’t keep a hundred dollars in and you think I have bank cards, credit cards and cash? What drugs are you on – that must be some good stuff. Just off in your own happy little la-la land, aren’t you?

* I have a daughter who is just your type. Leave your name and phone number – we’ll get back to you.

* Don’t worry about stealing the car – our daughter will find it when she’s ready to go somewhere and bring it back to you with no gas in it.

* Just because I look like I’ve got money – it doesn’t make it so. Just ask my mother-in-law.

* Let’s look at this. Stealing isn’t efficient. Hacking is efficient. But neither is efficient compared to being an attorney. Boy, do you need guidance.

(Yep, there’s more . . . )

And one last note from the Got No Money Guide to Home Decorating (and Interior Design) –

* Butt is not a fashion decorating word but it is a priority element of decorating. What you do with butts makes all the difference in decorating. Cheap seats are hard seats. Can’t afford them anyway. And no money butts are hard, scrawny, boney butts. Hard seats won’t do. You’ll have to keep a crowbar on the wall to pry the seats from the butts. Isn’t that special? Early American . . .

Excerpt from:

Got No Money Guide To Good Living – 2
Written by Cricket Diane C Phillips 2008

* I have an active living environment. This means a got no money good living environment dedicated to actively living in it. Things to do, workspaces for doing them and living by doing.

* You’ve got to ask yourself what you’d be doing if you had all the money in the world anyway.

* If its sitting around reading books – get some books. If its cooking special meals for people you love – get some recipes and do it.

* This isn’t a hard concept to grasp. I found it in a book once. Then I bought seeds for gardening and planted them.

* It was during a bad drought and only one marigold and five tomato plants grew out of thousands of seeds – about $8 worth of seed packets.
* But the seeds from those six plants have grown tomatoes and marigolds everywhere I’ve lived since. They’ve provided flowers and tomatoes in my friends’ and neighbors’ yards, at my parents’ house and I still have some today from them.

* If I don’t have a yard to garden – I just go and garden somebody else’s yard or plant them in the window inside the house. Its all the same to me because if I were rich its what I would do. So, I do it. Why wait?

* Between books from the library, books on sale, books online and books at the thrift store, yard sales and friends of the library sales – there are whole libraries available to own when you got no money and want good living.

* Be aware that what you have in your hand may be a library book before you stick it under the couch where the leg used to be. And, as soon as you use the dictionary for that you’ll need to look up a word. Better go find a brick instead.

* May as well not sit around thinking about what you haven’t got. Build it, create it, do it with what is around you.

* There is always something – some way to do it – somewhere to find it – some way to acquire it even with no money.

* In fact, with money is one of the most inefficient ways to go about it for most things most of the time.

* By the time I’ve shopped for what doesn’t really suit the purpose I have for it, I could’ve built, acquired or reclaimed four things (at least) to solve the problem that suits the purpose.

Got No Money Guide To Good Living 2

* Most good living is going to happen whether or not you got any money. Trashy living will happen too whether you got any money or not. The trick is to do more of the good living than letting it slide into trashy regardless of your economic reality.

* I’ve got to say, though, there is some comfort in trashy living – nobody expects much and its easy enough to accomplish that.

* If you wanna do good living when you got no money – its really easy. Satin pillowcases for your head and day-old cakes, donuts and collecting stuff everybody else is done using.

* We had do it later mentality for a long time until one day I realized we were going to be poor for probably ever and ever so that day we started good living anyway.

* We bought fancy napkins that cost fifty cents each at the clearance aisle one week which isn’t too bad if you don’t mind that they won’t match each other or anything else either.

* Those napkins were a one-time investment for years of imagining the fine dining of a fancy restaurant without leaving home.

(And, there’s more . . . )

http://cricketdianecphillips.wordpress.com/

The parts of these guides that are posted here online are only a small part of the total that are already written – some by hand and some on the computer. There is also a Got No Money Guide to Starting a Business, and Got No Money Guide to Getting Around Town (transportation, kinda)
and ones about entertainment, creating stuff and although I haven’t written it yet, I swear that I have enough information to write a SPAM cookbook of 5000 ways to fix spam, or turkey, or whatever that meat was we were eating – might have been squirrel or deer meat, never asked.

People are experiencing these things now and they need to be able to laugh about it and to get a real look at it with a sense of humor. This book can do that and so much of the material is already written, that I hope you will consider it and put it into publication right now where it can help.

Thanks so much,

Diane.

***
Who I am and why I am the most qualified person to write this book –

Diane C. Phillips – (cricketdiane)
50 years old
Ph.D. in living without money and surviving it.

I was born in Ohio, lived in Florida, Georgia, California, Georgia, California, South Carolina, North Carolina and now, in Georgia for what seems like forever in poverty and got no money living. I grew up in California.

Attended several colleges, learned something and went on. Married twice, taken hostage once by a man I had two children with – overall, I have seven children, none of which live with me.

I have real world experience with this long enough to have a sense of humor about it. I can do more with less than most people would consider trying but now they are having to do just that.

And, people are killing themselves over this stuff, over losing their homes to foreclosure, losing jobs to layoffs and businesses going bankrupt. It isn’t necessary. It’s only money and as long as we stay in the alive column, we can always get money.

It would be better if I were the one available to advise those who are about to be living in their cars or having financial impossibilities, compared to watching people with two college degrees as experts on cable news make suggestions to them. I know what to do. The lessons I’ve learned have come from living with the reality of having no money.

How does someone with money on the ATM card and nineteen credit cards to their name, know what to tell a person whose house is in foreclosure, just lost their job and doesn’t have a clue what to do next? One thing, first of all, that I do know is how to think about it such that opportunities can be created, options can be generated and a creative thinking process can be awakened to deal with the situation. I have paid the price to know that. It is why I can write the humorous materials about it.

I’ve lived it. I am an expert.

What am I selling? Who am I selling it to? Who is going to buy it?

The Got No Money Guides to Good Living are – A distinctive way to look at options when there is no money to throw at problems.

People who want to enhance their creativity and problem solving in the midst of difficult economic times, those who need a good laugh and to not despair are in need of this book.

People will buy it as a gift for family members who are worried and afraid or who are going through financial hardships. They will also buy it for friends at work and at church who are having difficulties and hopefully, it will perk them up a bit. This is also applicable to those who are 30 – 90 years old and have lived through financial difficulties already or who are now. They will pick this book up out of all the stacks of books and do something to help themselves. And, they will gain a sense of humor about where they stand in all of this. It will spark the creativity, imagination, innovative spirit and hope that will carry them through this crisis by creating their own viable solutions to this economic crisis.

It will also give them a good belly laugh which heals beyond all else when things are truly important and seem truly impossible.

These are good reasons to publish this material. It is timely. It is appropriate. It is helpful and it is funny. And, it is fun and creative, awakens innovative thinking and inspires. It is what people need right now, not sitting on a shelf somewhere but available to them in print for purchase.

The Got No Money Guides to Good Living
by Cricket Diane C Phillips, 2009

***

Seeking a publisher – and no I don’t have seven dollars a piece to send it in the mail to every publisher in America so I can wallpaper my bathroom with rejection letters . . . the Got No Money Guides I’ve written are needed in America right now – what business wants to use this publication to help their business make money today?

List of Global News Portals and Real-time info sources on the internet – quick access points

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http://www.usatoday.com/money/world/2009-01-05-waterford_N.htm

By Jane Wardell, AP Business Writer

LONDON — Waterford Wedgwood, the maker of classic china and crystal, filed for bankruptcy protection Monday

Crystal, china maker Waterford Wedgwood files for bankruptcy

Posted document.write(niceDate(‘1/5/2009 9:09 AM’));10h 8m ago
***

http://www.iht.com/pages/index.php

International Herald Tribune Home with Global News – Assorted Sources – check along right hand boxes for overview headlines

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/03/business/mortgage.php

– halfway down page on left is link for chart showing mortgage defaults projected sometime before August 2008

***

http://www.upi.com/

United Press International – global news

***

chart

http://www.newyorkfed.org/mortgagemaps/

***

http://refdesk.com/

halfway down page and on right hand sidebar – news routing and sources – also headlines on right hand sidebar near top of page – other sources found on down the page in groups of info

***

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4BM4Z320081223

http://www.reuters.com/

Information from Reuters – good source, good coverage

***

http://press.jrc.it/NewsExplorer/home/en/latest.html

Europe Media Monitor – Global News coverage and portal

check EMM News Brief tab at top of page, too. Its search engine also provides comprehensive information about governments and economic / dynamic real-time info. Right hand sidebar lists current and recent news around the world for a quick overview and access points.

***

http://www.cnn.com/

also CNN Business and CNN International

***

These are some of the sources I use, but I also watch Bloomberg, CNN and CNN International, FoxNews, FoxBusiness, CNBC, Headline News (a CNN product) and BBC America (which is more like a game show than the news but they’re fun anyway.)

I don’t trust any of them to tell me the truth – so do whatever it takes to check the facts as they actually exist makes the best sense to me. There are other places online to find facts obviously, but personally, I look for leads more than interpretation so I can locate sources, facts and accurate figures.

***

And, there are at least four things I can think of that will solve our financial crisis / economic crisis in America – and the business leaders, politicians, government leaders and others in a position to do so – aren’t going to do any of those things either. And – I would venture to guess others have solutions that will work as well and these leaders aren’t going to do those things either,  or in fact, anything else that could work until it is really too late to matter. Doesn’t that say it all . . .

– cricketdiane,

Angel Song – photo collage by Cricket Diane C Phillips

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Angel Song - photo collage by Cricket Diane C Phillips - 2008

Shade Tree Wisdom of Politics – Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips – 2008

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The Shade Tree Wisdom of Politics –
by Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips, 2008

* A good politician is somebody that can make you believe what you didn’t wanna hear in the first place.

* The best place to stay in politics is out of it but the next best place is out of the firing zone.

* A difference of opinion is like that old pair of boots you use to put the manure out in the garden. No point ruining your good ones just to have ‘em stink from stepping in it.

* There may be tons of good ideas in politics but leave it to the politicians to only get the worst ones done, if any at all.

* The treasury is a place where politicians use the “can’t eat just one” rule. In Latin, that’s “eat-amus maximus.”

* Its not a disorder to be a politician but you can’t tell that by listening to them.

* How could you trust the judgment of a politician? It’s a contradiction of terms.

* If you can see the difference between the candidates offered by both parties – you have been listening to them too long.

* Is it possible to tell the difference between a donkey’s ass, an elephant’s ass, as horse’s ass and a jackass? Have you been up in Congress lately?

* A bad marriage is like getting a bad politician but easier to get shed of.

* When two politicians are in the same room, they will always have three ideas between them – none of which will do what they say they will do.

* In order to have politics, it takes a special meeting of several ingredients including the ability to be disagreeable without letting on that you think the other person’s an ass.

* Politicians without money are like you and me – not in politics.

* It takes more than most people would give to be a politician and more than most people would steal to stay one.

* Political compromise is a fancy way of saying that nobody gets what they want but they’re going to spend more than enough money for everybody to have had what they wanted.

* Good in terms of politics is a matter of reference. It depends on who is talking and whether they’re in earshot of anybody.

Shade Tree Wisdom 2 – Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips – 2008

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Shade Tree Wisdom 2 – 2008 –
2008 Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips

* if you watch the news, you’re just asking to be bothered by something you cain’t do nothin’ about.

* you can’t trust any military that’s got toys – sooner or later, they’ll find a place to use them.

* a duck pond is pretty for the women relations to look at but don’t never tell ‘em where you go duck huntin’ for Christmas dinner.

* good curtains are somethin’ that covers the windows so you can see the ballgame without a glare on the screen.

* never share a remote control with a woman – any woman, even your mama – they’s some things that just ain’t right.

* if you know anybody that knows how to make music – don’t invite ‘em over to your mama’s house unless you like the music they play ‘cause she’ll have you sitting there to listen to it for hours.

* never let on that you don’t know how to do something and don’t never ask anybody how to do anything ‘cause sooner or later, everybody in town’ll know it.

* don’t ever loan a gun to anybody ‘cause they’ll shoot something you wouldn’t.

* an old tire makes a good swing but its not the kind your mama meant when she said to put a swing up.

* anything that’s sitting long enough to get stuck to the ground and get water standing in it makes a good planter.

* if the kitchen table was meant to get cleaned off – stuff wouldn’t get put there.

* any woman that don’t know motor oil goes under the kitchen sink don’t need to be a married woman.

Written by Cricket Diane C Phillips, 08-10-08, USA

Shade Tree Wisdom – Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips – 2008

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Shade Tree Wisdom –
2008 Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips
08-10-08

* can’t spend what you don’t have.

* there are easier ways to start a car besides moonshine but not near as tolerable to driver and car.

* if you can’t have fried chicken for Sunday dinner – you need another job or get to church when they’re eatin’.

* an atv is just a tractor without legs on it – can’t cut nothing with it.

* if you have an aunt you don’t like – she will be the first one over when you’re dead or sick or dying.

* keep your peace of mind – don’t marry a woman your mama don’t like – you’ll wish you got chickens instead.

* know what’s better than buying a new truck? Buying somethin’ to go on it.

* if you got 30 friends – you got a party; with eight friends – you got a baseball team; with two friends – you got an argument, sooner or later.

* when you can’t buy what you want – you need to go sell some firewood or if it aint winter time, want somethin’ else they’ll trade moonshine for.

* after a car don’t run no more, set it over in the weeds and after a couple weeks invite your city friends over – they’ll wanna buy it and haul it out for you – (won’t have to mow that area for weeks.)

* good entertainment requires anything larger than you are – that’s why monster trucks are fun to watch and golf isn’t.

* never bet on a car you ain’t driving.

* if a deer jumps up on your hood – tell everybody you bagged it lest its out of season – in that case, best put it back where you found it.

* any good car you won’t get in a divorce.

* anybody who cain’t fix a tire – don’t need to be driving.

* oil pressure is a relative thing. The more relatives you got – the greater the pressure to put cod liver oil in your life.

* good birds are the ones that don’t eat the corn put out in the garden. I don’t know of any good birds and they isn’t enough meat on ‘em to make it worth shooting ‘em.

* four pints of sand to the gallon makes good drainage in a garden and four bottles of beer to the hour while fixin’ the garden makes the plants grow better unless your wife or mama sees how you’re gardening.

* any toy that makes a hobby – makes a good decoration for the garden; any tool that rusts makes a good decoration for the garden; anybody that annoys you regularly could make a good decoration for the garden – but don’t do it – there are laws against that near everywhere.

* don’t give a lot of attention to what all them laws are – they change ‘em ever week and some of ‘em don’t count no ways.

* if you don’t like what a store’s sellin’ – don’t go there; if you don’t like the preacher, go for your mama but don’t give ‘em no money; if you don’t like the neighbors – get ‘em a job up in the city.

* anything hasn’t got four wheels on it, ought not be on the road anyways.

* its common sense to know that if the roof needed fixin’, the attic needed cleaning or the tree branches up there needed cutting – there’d a been a storm come take the roof off, where it’d a have to have got done.

* anybody that don’t agree with you – is wrong, just plain – and there ain’t no helping some people so why waste any time on it. You won’t ever like everybody no ways.

* and if they don’t know no better than to like you – they’s no sense setting it straight – just borry their tools and go on.

* never put up a swimming pool in your backyard unless you like children a whole lot ‘cause every relation with any children are gonna come over an’ visit.

* don’t never tell your mama what you don’t like about her no matter what she’s told her church friends about you.

* any woman that don’t have a husband already best be left alone ‘cause your mama won’t like her either and they’s probably good reason nobody’s done snatched her up and married her up to now. (If you don’t believe it – ask your mama and she’ll explain it to you.)

* married women that are willing are probably as dangerous as your mama says they are.

* a good woman’s like a good shoe – bound to be wore out ‘bout the time its comfortable.

Written by Cricket Diane C Phillips, 08-10-08, USA

Got No Money Guide to Business – Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips

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The Got No Money Guide To Business –
2008 Cricket Diane C Phillips
08-08-08 (from 2007, 2008)

When cow shit is out in a field and you have to go with a shovel and get it up so the cows can be comfortable – it is cow shit.

If you put that same cow shit in a bag and put the word “fertilizer” on it – then it isn’t cow shit anymore and people pay good money to get it.

That is marketing.

*** *** *** *** ***

* Have you got you an old photo album? Now there’s your packaging all right. Clear part gets cut off and it’ll wrap anything like it came from the drug store . . .

* Now then, you’re gonna need what’s called a business plan – that’s where you tell ‘em on paper what you’re about to do before you’ve done it –

Kinda like a fishing story in reverse.

* And don’t show it to your mama. That is a mistake cause she’ll say you’re a moron. And if she don’t say it outright – you’ll still know it by the time she’s done explaining it to you – ‘bout you and business.

* Don’t think you gotta have one of them fancy ten dollar pens to do business – that’s why God made them pencils with an eraser . . .

* Those erasers are about the best way to back out of an idea whose time hasn’t come.

* I have a lot those – I’ve done gone through three of them twelve packs of erasers this week. Of course – you might not need ‘em.

* I read in a book that businesses don’t break even for two or three years. That didn’t mean nothin’ till I started spending my money to do business.

* That means for three years, I’m gonna be spending out before taking in’ll overtake it. That’s like having a teenager living at home.

* First they wanna have a three hundred dollar bike and then they run into the neighbor down the street, and you’re paying for everybody’s teeth to get fixed.

* Business seems to be that way too – if you don’t advertise then don’t nobody know you’re in business or that what you got they can’t live without.

* If you do advertise – you won’t see any but the tail end of your money on its way out for three – maybe four years.

* And, that’s when it’ll stand still long enough to know you’ve made some money before it goes out to keep going.

* That’s called, “breaking even.” (I guess after that, it might pile up enough to fill up the fridge with something better than air ice.)

* And, after that its what them bankers call profit. Don’t get too excited about that . . .

* If it’s a nickel over the dollar you spent to get it done in business – well, howdy – that’s profit.

* I can just see it five years from now, showing off to my mama who said I never done nothing right in business.

* And I’ll say, “I got the dollar I spent back and a nickel besides. That there’s profit . . .”

* and she’ll say, did you get back the twenty thousand dollars you spent to get that dollar and your nickel that you’re so proud of?

* “Oh yeah, we need to frame that nickel, honey. We want to make sure everybody sees that at Christmas when they come over.”

* In fact, my mama will say she’ll just give me a nickel in the first place and save the family from the embarrassment . . . And I can just give her the twenty thousand dollars.

* Do not take your mama into business with you. This is for your own good. You do not want to know why.

* But you know I’m gonna tell you . . .

* Your mama or your daddy or any other relation, you pick ‘em, didn’t do business this way when they was coming up.

* This is a statement of fact, there is no way round it so when they tell you all about this there are three things you don’t say:

1. Did ya’ll use cellphones back then? What was your bill like?

2. You mean you talked to people in person? Why didn’t you just send ‘em an email?

3. You don’t know what you’re talking about . . .

* If you can resist saying anything along those lines, you might hear something worthwhile like an idea they used that worked.

* Otherwise, you’ll be hearing all the reasons you’re a moron that won’t ever make a nickel in business.

* Trust me on this, you don’t need to know why I know it.

* There are many good ways to use business concepts in practice. Believe me – you and I don’t know them according to anybody that knows us.

* If you don’t believe me, ask my mama.

* She will tell you, we are all morons that don’t know what we’re doing and then she’ll tell us why she knows that’s the truth . . .

* And, she don’t lie, according to her.

* My mama and others like her who’ve been doing business before and know what they’re doing – aren’t lying – we may be idiots.

* We might have to adjust for that. I know, I do.

* I’ve never felt stupider than a shoe till the other day when I asked the post office lady if US stamps came in other denominations.

* (after I already bought a pack of first class stamps,) and her expression said it all.

* How did I not know that? I was standing real proud using the word denomination instead of saying, “do you got any 84 cent stamps?”

* And there I was feeling stupider than a shoe.

* When was the last time I mailed something? Probably 1980, ‘cause they used to want string tied around packages and now the post office makes you cut it off, if you put it on there in the first place.

* And don’t ask your mama, your daddy or any of your relations, ‘cause the last time they mailed anything probably pre-dated that.

* Which is why I put string around the box in the first place after carefully wrapping with craft paper. Which, by the way, is brown and ugly and scratchy when you carry it – and completely unnecessary.

* And the post office guy will look at you and go – “what did you do all this for?” while he cuts the string off of it.

* I didn’t tell Dad they don’t do it that way anymore – let him live in a world where the post office can be relied upon to always be the same.

* Another modern concept of business is having a website and a web presence.

* Don’t tell your friends, your family and especially, your children that you are building a website. Save yourself the discomfort.

* Either they won’t see why it helps any or they will make it obvious they knew more about it at eight years old than you ever will.

* There’s no use explaining it. People that build websites are somebody else – not you, not me and not anybody they’ve ever known.

* How to do business with a website is a real trick question, too.

* It costs a small fortune to do one right and nearly anything else won’t work unless its so much stupider than any of us that we’d never even think of it.

* Try selling potato chips that look like Jesus – that works. Anything else – forget it.

Written by Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips, 2008, 2007, USA
Cricket House Studios, 08-08-08

A thought from last year – on fixin stuff – Cricket Diane C sparky Phillips – 2008

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How To Fix Yer Own Durn Car & Other Thangs Tools R Good Fer –
Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips, 2007, 2008

1.  If you cain’t git to it – bang it with a hammer.

2.  If it still rolls – it ain’t broke.

3.  Concrete blocks are your friend. If it needs a lift – it needs a concrete block. This ain’t hard to figure out.

4.  Don’t put the concrete blocks on a hill unless you wanna learn to do body work.

5.  If you forgot and put them blocks on a hill – Bondo is your friend. (At least till you gotta sand it.)

6.  When somebody tells you where you can git it fixed real reasonable – say, yeah, you can and keep on working on it yerself. Borrow their tools while they’re there being so helpful.

7.  When you git to the part you don’t know – check to see if anybody’s looking . . .

Photography of Cricket Diane C Phillips – 2008 – Roses

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Original Photography 2008 - Cricket Diane C Sparky Phillips

Creating A Creative Flow – Methods and Processes – Part I – Cricket Diane C Phillips – 2008

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Creating A Flow –
Methods And Processes –
2008, Cricket Diane C Phillips

The first thing that happens is trying to find a way to keep doing everything in the same ways without changing but without the disadvantages and / or consequences.

However, a moment comes when the goal shifts to the desired results with the desired outcome paramount while avoiding the undesired consequences takes over.

At this point – change, exploration and discovery becomes key and the flow of creative energies can take place.

Secondly, there is an ebb and flow that occurs as results indicate some desirable and undesirable aspects of attempted changes.

Often this is where one reverts back to the original ways of doing things for comfort or to regain bearings or in lack of willingness to move forward in the process.

Opening the flow actually occurs here at this stage in the process. The tentative and faltering steps of beginning are retaken quickly and real progress begins.

Re-establish goals and let go of how it has to be done to be done right. Let go of why it must be done a certain way and strip away qualifiers like convenience, shoulds, simplicity and any other that restrain the accomplishment.

Start with ‘good enough’ and work from there. The idea that the finished product, goal or the accomplishment of the goal must be anything beyond ‘workable’ simply hinders the process.

Do one thing differently. Work on ‘thinking on your feet’ as the occasion arises. Do whatever is customarily done in the same way in some specific way differently. Reach out rather than in, at least once every day.

Let go of the necessity of comfort and explore the unusual landscape of doing things differently. The more comfortable the process becomes, the more changes will naturally occur.