Got No Money Guide 2007 Anti-Theft Bumper Stickers – More from 2007
It’s easy to understand that a little sticker on the car or home windows could deter criminals from desiring an end prize that isn’t worth it. Security company logos are used on property all the time to let the bad guys know the risk involved. But, if the thieves only knew . . .
* Before stealing this car – check the gas gauge. Yes, it is on E isn’t it?
* And how much money did you bring with you to stop by the Quicky Mart for gas? If things are bad enough to be stealing this car, you are in for a shock when you stop for gas . . . You know, it doesn’t go without gas, right?
* Apparently “D” doesn’t stand for “Daring to Believe”. I wish I had known that before I bought it and spent all my money to drive it. If you want to steal it, let me know and I’ll send you the payment book, the insurance forms and the maintenance schedule. You can have it all.
* The only air conditioning on this car is rolling down the windows. You might want to know what that rattling sound is under the car. Never mind – go ahead and steal it.
* Isn’t this just the perfect car you’ve always wanted? I felt that way, too. Would you like to know why I don’t feel that way anymore?
* This is a really slow way to make a living – stealing cars. It is NOT a million dollar idea!
* If you knew what the auto mechanic wanted to fix this car – you’d get out of the business of stealing and be a mechanic.
* Next year, I‘m getting a better car – come back later.
* God may forgive you for stealing this car – but you’ll have a hard time forgiving yourself after driving it a week. It’d be a good little car with new rotors, brakes and tires. Well, maybe with that and some other things, too.
* You just made my day. Thanks so much for wanting something I have. And my mom said this car was a worthless piece of – well, never mind what she said.
* I have a bank account I can’t keep a hundred dollars in and you think I have bank cards, credit cards and cash? What drugs are you on – that must be some good stuff. Just off in your own happy little la-la land, aren’t you?
* I have a daughter who is just your type. Leave your name and phone number – we’ll get back to you.
* Don’t worry about stealing the car – our daughter will find it when she’s ready to go somewhere and bring it back to you with no gas in it.
* Just because I look like I’ve got money – it doesn’t make it so. Just ask my mother-in-law.
* Let’s look at this. Stealing isn’t efficient. Hacking is efficient. But neither is efficient compared to being an attorney. Boy, do you need guidance.
* If my credit cards weren’t maxed out – I’d be on vacation. Kinda figures, doesn’t it.
* Take three steps back and get a good look at this car. If that doesn’t make you wanna steal something else, there is nothing I can do for you.
* Did you see that little ding in the bumper I put in it last week? You wouldn’t think going over one of those parking stubs would twist the frame and ding up the fender, would you? By the way, when you steal this car, you need to know the steering is a little loosey-goosey, too. Don’t ask. . .
* Somebody already ripped the tag off this car which wasn’t legal anyway because I didn’t have the money to go to the tag office and get the sticker for it. But that’s okay, I think the insurance was due at the same time.
* Have you considered that pimping a ride doesn’t mean using mine to do it?
* If you don’t have any money today – obviously – then after stealing this car and driving it a month – you’ll be in the same boat that I’m in.
* You just thought you were broke. Try having my lifestyle.
* The first Tuesday of next month, our house is being sold on the courthouse steps. The light bill is overdue by two months and the water was turned off yesterday. Now – let’s think this through. Do you really think the finance company will let you keep this car after you steal it? We’ve been hiding it from the repo man for months. Good luck.
* This house would be protected by a guard dog but you have to feed them.
* When we had money, we spent it the same day for beer, cigarettes and putting gas in the car. You might want to reconsider your options.
* Our dope man is our best friend. Guess where all our money is? Let us know and we’ll hook you up. Yes, his place does have an alarm system but you can get around that.
* Would you consider a barter? You can have all our credit cards and we’ll take your car.
* No, that is not a jump rope holding the car door on. It might look that way, but as long as you don’t open that door . . .
* If you break into this house, be careful where you step. Our dog hasn’t been out of the house for a week. The vet said Bebe won’t be contagious in a few more days. She is a little aggravated, though.
* We are not liable for any injuries arising from your attempt to steal from us.
* We took the best class in tae kwon do. It’ll be nice to have a chance to practice. Go for it.
* When you got up this morning, what were you thinking? Have you noticed the gas prices lately? What would make you think we have any money?
* There is a penny jar in the top cabinet. Have at it.
* Did you see all that fancy underwear from the mall in my lingerie drawer when you were hunting for money? Do you know what $35 will buy at the Mall?
* We had money until we went by Home Depot this morning. You should not watch those home improvement shows, if you want to have any money in the bank.
* We have two teenagers with cellphones. Do you have any idea what this means?
* Financially incompetent since the divorce. Ask my ex-husband.
* We spent more on the x-box than anything else. If you’re here to steal, take it. Maybe my grown children will move out.
* Global warming notwithstanding, you might want to get the fuel pump fixed if you steal this car. Or, do you believe walking is doing your part for the environment?
* Everything we own needs fixing. If it isn’t broken, needs painting or needs to be replaced, my husband got it in the divorce. Let me get you his address.
* Our car gets three miles to the gallon.
* Take it easy. This is not one of your best ideas. Our house note is behind because we only had enough money to give the IRS and buy groceries. There’s a can of tuna in the cabinet, help yourself.
* Our tv isn’t worth what we paid for it. We still have a vcr from 1980 something. I don’t know what there is steal. I haven’t been to Wal-Mart in over two months.
* I don’t have a laptop. My cellphone needs minutes bought for it because I’m out of minutes. There isn’t a loaf of bread in the house and if you steal anything here – you’re on your own. It probably needed replacing ten years ago.
* Would you believe our tv still has rabbit ears?
* I used to have a good attitude until I was laid off or down-sized or whatever they’re calling it now. You really DON’T want to get in the car with me. Take my word for it – I am psychotic.
* This property protected by permanent hostility towards anybody with money – this includes you. Since you’ve been stealing to make a living – you obviously have more money than I do.
* Tremendously aggravated taxpayer within. Be a hero. Go ahead, I’ve got nothing better to do.
* We ordered a pizza with our last thirty dollars. Try again next week.
* Grossly underpaid, overtaxed and stressed out.
* My psychiatrist says I’m at the breaking point. Steal from me at your own risk. I won’t necessarily go postal on you.
* You could get a real job easier than this. I know you already realize stealing is a lot harder than it looks. A lot of jobs give you money just to show up on time. You apparently know how to do that.
NEW ENTRIES – 2010 –
* Let me get you a map to Wall Street.
* There could be a job in this – have you thought about how to write up those skill sets for a Blackwater Ops interview? Do you know how much they make?
* Our daughter already broke off the key in the front door. If you steal this car, you’ll have to crawl across the passenger seat to get in just like we do. Yes, the insurance does still cost the same. They don’t cover that, actions by daughters are considered an act of God.
* Before you break our windshield to get in this car – please know that it has an 8-track “stereo” sound system – yes, that was 8-track. Don’t know what that is? Come find me and I’ll explain it to you. It wasn’t bought yesterday.
* Our car is good looking on the outside, yes it is. And, it can be driven at least eight blocks before it needs oil put in it to go. If you’re stealing it – you might want to plan to stop in a little less than two miles or well, you don’t mind walking. Never mind.
* We call this the fart-mobile for a reason.
* If you want a job where theft is legal, let us give you the name of our realtor, the car dealer that sold us the payments on this thing and the insurance company that is charging everything we own to insure it. There’s your job.
* When I think of a robber on the town, stealing this car – it is a moment of gratitude in an otherwise merciless day. That would solve so many problems.
* Go for it. Our payment book is in the dashbox.
* If you find any change in the seats, please leave it for the previous owners. That would be us. And, we need it which is why there are no electronics in this car – not even the ones that came with it.
* Do not try to roll down the back window. Do not try to use the brakes by tapping them real hard. Do not open the back door on the right side. And, definitely don’t get excited if your driver side door doesn’t open. It is a good car – have it.
* We’ve been wanting to go back to the dealership and take this car back. The repo man wouldn’t even come get it. Please don’t leave without it.
* Our daughter’s boyfriend bought a neat electronic toy for this car and then he broke up with our daughter and none of the electronics in this car have worked since. You might want to open the hood and beat the solenoid with a hammer so it will start. There’s a hammer in the trunk.
* Does this look like a Ferrari to you? Those must be some good drugs.
* Can I help you with this? There is a car around the corner that took my parking place at the grocery last week. Call me and I’ll let you know where they are parking today.
* I would be upset about you stealing my car, but it really has a low place on the list that of things that have gone wrong lately. Yesterday, the mechanic told me that I could buy a new engine for this car, but he refused to explain why it needed it. My whole week has gone that way. He wanted $1,500 to tell me that – you are soooo in the wrong business.
* You may think that is a GPS thingy on the dash – it isn’t. That came from the dollar store to hold a pencil and paper so we could write down what the map says – that’s the closest to a GPS they sell at the dollar store.
* I own no laptop. There is no fancy cd player in this vehicle. In fact, there is hardly any vehicle in this vehicle. Unless you want some aluminum cans to recycle from under the seat, I don’t know what’s worth breaking into it.
* Well, I do want to congratulate your initiative. You might want to go get a book on car values from the library before you head out next time.
More Got No Money Guides to Home Security, Personal Safety and Anti-Theft Devices for Cars – Bumper Stickets and other Safety Measures – cricketdiane
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