It is sad to turn off the internet, the cable and close the stores. I’m going to keep the America the Beautiful Sites running for the month of April but then, either I find the money to keep them going or I will have to close them down, too.
Anyway, as a consequence of shutting down the internet tomorrow and the cable which I’ve been using for the news, for research and the various blogs, twitters, stores and America the Beautiful Show project, I won’t be writing here or on the twitter – probably most of the rest of the year, except occasionally when I can go find an internet opportunity.
It irks me that I’ve failed to make any money with it and it irks me even more to know that I have failed generally to make it work, despite my best efforts. In each month, I have been taking about half of the money available to me from my disability check to pay for it and doing without other things. I thought it would be a way to make my living from it someway instead of living on charity. But, it didn’t work that way. Apparently, I’m a moron in every sense of the word and I just have to accept that me and making money simply does not go together. It never has worked and after I don’t know how long – of trying in every way I know how, it just has to stop so I can pay my bills.
In fact, it is honest to say – I could’ve just stayed drunk the entire last three or four years rather than doing this and been better off for it. I wouldn’t have spent near as much money or worked anywhere near what I have to end up with the same things out of it – which is to be broke, poor, desolate, alone and without success at making money.
Earlier today, I had read three articles from the Harvard Business School blog about turning failures into success and for about three hours, I worked on that idea again when suddenly I realized that if it was going to work – it would have worked a long time ago. And, it simply doesn’t. What I offer has no value in my family nor from my hands and mind when I come into the marketplace with it. And, that is my fault. I just don’t get it. The products and knowledge I have created, designed, invented or researched and put together are not going to get me one dime of the $421 a month that I’m spending each and every month just to be online and host a couple stores and a couple sites for the America the Beautiful Show. It doesn’t cover its own costs and now I have got to cover my own – or end up homeless.
So, I’ve closed the stores a few minutes ago and in the morning after the sun comes up – I’m calling to suspend the internet and cable before they charge me again and I already owe them about $400 as it is. They can come get their equipment. Apparently I don’t need it to continue doing what isn’t working and has never worked. There has not been one job to come from it, not one sale, not one opportunity for writing for anyone or investor for anything I’m doing – and unfortunately, not one advertiser or sponsor either. Even the America the Beautiful Show sites have no sponsors, neither do the NYC walkabout blogs – the stores and auctions didn’t sell anything and I paid handsomely for those listings to be made and the things I interacted with people on craigslist about – were a complete waste of time. If I had paid someone $20 to come take them off my hands, they might have considered coming to my apartment or meeting me somewhere for the nintendo stuff I have – and I wouldn’t pay them and they didn’t want to pay me – so it is still here. It has not been a fruitful exercise.
Oh well. Neither have the other businesses I’ve started over the years. It seems like I know a lot about it and can’t do anything right with it. But, it hasn’t been for a lack of trying and stickto-itiveness. But, it never has come close to breaking even and I know damn good and well that there will not be the opportunities to get some business loan or investors for it anyway. The few times I’ve interacted with that in the last few years, have been a disaster and produced not one single dime. Just like trying to get sponsors for the America the Beautiful Show websites – not one single yes out of three hundred emails sent out and multiple online applications to large corporations. I doubt they ever even saw any of it. I didn’t get past the little screening companies they are using.
I hate to say that I’ve failed. But, there you go.
Thanks for reading. The information will be here on the blog until whenever they start charging for it. And, I guess at some point, I’ll find an internet wifi spot or something and post a note on the blog again, but I won’t be able to do the research and news stuff I’ve been doing with it or the brain zaps. I hate that. It will remind me that I am lonely again.
I really liked participating in a greater world and bringing solutions and research to the table. I hated that more people didn’t ever see any of it and never even considered using my solutions for paying off the national debt and fixing the budget without having to cut all these programs that are already in place. There are millions of dollars given to other things and other people who haven’t offered one solution that works – but I suppose they are more entertaining and stir people up more or something. Maybe they just understand people better than I do or had more sense about making the arrangements to get paid which I can’t seem to do. I don’t know. It is a wonder.