There is no hope in America – if you are poor today, you will be poor tomorrow no matter what you try to do – I can honestly say that because I’ve lived it for the last thirty years, am living it today, will be living it tomorrow, the next day and the day after, next month and next year and five years from now.
There are problems I don’t have and will never have – like buying a house, or a car, or buying a new car or owning a new car or having any money. Those are options America has never given to me and even today, will never give to me.
People around me spend $3,000 for booze to have a party – one time for one event, but would have absolutely no reason to want anything I might have ever created or to even want to see anything I’ve ever designed. And neighbors tell one another that I have no store, ask me what store even after being told about it umpteen times, act like anything I might do online could not possibly be part of real anything and don’t even go to look at any of it.
But, that is okay – America is like that. I am the “thing” that people like to hate, that right wing religious bastards like to say caused the entire US deficit and brought down the US – it doesn’t matter that they are bleeding millions of dollars off the marketplace, holding it from any use that would help any community or small business to thrive. And it doesn’t matter that they have been in position to make decisions affecting all of us and used those opportunities to destroy our nation’s economy and communities and families and diverted charitable money plus small business grant money into their own think tanks and other political agendas. That wouldn’t have anything to do with it in people’s minds – whether it is my neighbors, friends who’ve known me or the public at large.
I’m hated because I’m poor and therefore worthless – despite all my efforts to do something beyond that and to add common sense and solutions to greater world problems, those don’t count.
Every so often in my twitter feed, there are motivational quotes and business articles that explain how I’m to be positive, let go of the past, learn that every failure is my own fault but to learn from them and to let them go at the same time, not to be angry that the deck is stacked against me succeeding or anyone like me succeeding and to bring good things to the world – and to the US marketplace. They’ve got to be kidding. It doesn’t work regardless, because I’m certainly living proof that I’m doing it and have been doing those things for many days, week after week, month after month, year after year for YEARS now.
But it doesn’t work – and then some jackass on a business show says it has to be three things offered in a business – not creating, not in the joy of creating or exploration – but to be three things. In the concept of a business being about cherries, then everything must be something to do with cherries – but essentially only in three areas. People aren’t capable of doing their part to sort any of it if there are more than three narrowly focused avenues along one central theme according to those business experts. Okay, that is one possibility that works but not the only one because people go into stores and search for things to buy from among millions of choices as a regular part of their lives now from grocery stores to large discount stores to mall excursions where they go in many stores every trip they take. So some of that, is bullshit – people go online and search for things from multiple websites that are massive and spend hours going across millions of items without it bothering them at all.
And maybe I’m just tired of excusing people – and of trying my best to do whatever I can to bring good things, solutions, problem solving, innovation, visual art, design, products, writing and new music, new comedy, new entertaining materials to a country that has blamed every problem on me as a “thing” that caused it without ever being interested enough to give a damn about me or what I’m doing to find out anything about it. Once I believe the reality that a person in poverty, especially a woman is never going to be allowed to profit in the United States – the more likely I can stop believing in getting anything back from my efforts as a possibility.
Then maybe I can leave this nation to go to hell of its own devices and not be bothered about it. After all – it’s every man for himself according to Wall Street and right wing radio hosts – they both agree – so it must be true. They will always have all the money and prevent anyone else from having access to any of it and they will always use it to destroy rather than build anything as they have proven over the last 50 years. So, why should I be trying to make a positive difference – there’s nothing in it for me, nor would there ever have been. I have years of trying and doing that proves it.