Today, I’ve been calling estate sale companies in order to simply sell all of it and leave. But, no . . . .
After calling a number of them in the Atlanta area, someone noted that because I live in a condo with my art studio, that won’t be a place where an estate sale can be held. And, a number of others wanting silver, gold, coin collections and antiques obviously – don’t have any use for selling the things I have – studio supplies, art and household stuff . . .

This is impossible. Not only do I have to leave by September 30, the things I use to produce art and the art I’ve done have no value, even as I need to get the money to move. I swear, I’m going to end up walking away from all of it at this rate and leaving it to whatever charity might come get it. This is ridiculous. The patents aren’t worth anything, the copyrights aren’t worth anything, the actual originals aren’t worth anything and the equipment used to create it isn’t worth anything. I hate Atlanta.


The next time I start thinking, Oh, I should spend my time learning things, getting better at the things I know, or creating something with it – I’m going to stop myself and just go get drunk. It will save money, at least have some value and not be nearly as miserable as this.

What a fucking waste of 42 years of my life. And, what an absolute waste of 36 years in Georgia. I hate this place. I’ve never made money here. I’ve never been accepted here. I never will be able to do either one here. They have no use for me in any way that I would ever get paid. And, as much as I know New York is not exactly welcoming me and my talents and skill sets, at least I can feel the breezes of the Atlantic ocean there and I can go places there on the buses and trains, even after 9 pm at night (and on Sundays). And, my mind is at ease there.

Near where I have lived here, I have been consistently stunned by the rudeness and shaming attitudes of people on a daily basis. I would have been happier, never coming back here – and it looks like I may as well not anyway. It is stunning to me that the eBay auction of the copyrights did not get any sale. I’m shocked to learn that I can’t have an estate sale because I live in a condo. And, it is horrifying to hear that unless it is gold or silver – forget about trying to sell it at an estate sale anyway.

So, I’m thinking . . .

What can I do in the next 3 weeks that will work?

But, every idea I’ve had of what would work has been an absolute failure. I own a business of failures – that sucks. And so far, the time I’ve put into listing the products on zazzle has been an ultimate waste of time and effort – along with most of the efforts I’ve made online to sell anything, from eBay to craigslist to online websites, stores and projects, and blogs – what a waste. I couldn’t have done worse if I had been sitting on my ass doing absolutely nothing except getting drunk and watching soap operas. (Except I don’t like soap operas – hardly entertaining as I feel like I’m living in one . . . )

Dismal. No wonder it feels dismal either – I can’t imagine anyone feeling good about these kinds of results. And, the next person who says – “well we all lose faith sometimes” – I’m probably going to not have one word in the English language beyond fuck, hell and damn – in some combination not worthy of repeating. I need solutions and people decide off-handed stoicism is the only help they can offer? NO. Just shut the fuck up. And, that will be the words coming out of my mouth in all likelihood. (it might be embellished with a long stream of cuss words after that sentence – I hate to think what my response would be at this point.)

I found one auction house that might – “might” – come get everything and sell it at their weekly auction in North Georgia. Why it is in North Georgia, I do not know. And, then the things I’ve got to replace in order to cook a meal or paint anything (which maybe I’ll never do again, the way I feel about it right now) – can be sold for 25 cents instead of $2. I tell you what, I will not ever be buying things at retail stores in the rest of my life. That is an absolute waste, for sure.

It is hard right now, to not go over to the paintings I’ve done and just beat them to destruction – and I’m supposed to paint something brilliant, if I’m going to life a brush to it. What would be the point? The recent paintings won’t be sold anymore than the last 3,000 or however many. I don’t know any use for them in fact – they don’t work on products apparently, they aren’t competitive in the marketplace apparently, and no one wants them – also apparently. All that time taking photographs of them – after months of working on them . . . for absolutely nothing. Oh yeah – and the hours upon hours of fiddling with them in the computer, days trying to figure out a title for each of them and hours upon hours posting them. Just worthless.

Yeah – you didn’t need to read this. I just needed to say it. Sorry about that – but I’m not going to tote this stuff around in my head all day. If it gets where I can’t think anything except these things as I look at reality and the results of my efforts, then it is much harder to try one more thing before calling a charity to come pick it all up and just walk away.

I don’t what else to try. I’m tired of thinking about it, doing it and then failing. In fact, I’m really just tired of failing and being a failure at it all. There are successes somewhere in all this – I know there are. Now I’ve got to find them and work with possibilities that are represented by those. And, all I can see is failure – can’t have an estate sale – unbelievable.

– cricketdiane