cricketdiane conspiracy theory cards - 01-04-11 002-2

Part of the hand-written collection of conspiracy theory cards offered Ebay auction


Another brilliant idea – and most unlikely to work, but then I already tried all the things that I thought would work and they didn’t – so, what the hell.

You’d really have to like reading things to want this. I know where everything is on them, but nobody else would.

– cricketdiane


Here’s another picture (I’ve got to put these photos on the auction listing, it only has one quickie photo so far) –

I should probably sell all the computer files and paper files, they are actually more interesting to complete the set. Oh well. This is not very likely to work anyway and I have to work on three other things to raise money immediately that might have a chance of working better. So far, I’ve interacted with some collectors of things on craigslist about the little action figures that I have been using for a number of years to remember things – I used them more than the children did and they were actually bought for me. And, I’ve interacted on several writing opportunities listed on craigslist in NYC and Atlanta – so far, none of it has worked. I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong (or right, for that matter.)

cricketdiane conspiracy theory cards - 01-04-11 003-2

A few of the conspiracy theory cards hand written by cricketdiane while taking notes from the news, history channel shows, science channel shows and online research - plus a few thoughts and ideas and questions as those notes were made

I’m figuring that I’ll have to do something else more effective to get the money I need right now. Probably . . . .

The interaction with someone looking for Nintendo Gamecube games and components went very well, but I can’t compete with the prices that local retailers are offering with buy one / get one game promotions that are currently underway. I priced the 16 items at $12.50 each and apparently that was too much. But, maybe listing them on craigslist or Ebay separately for three months – I don’t know. It isn’t going to fix this right now. The writing opportunities in Atlanta want people to write for free, the one I spoke with in New York wanted to pay $15 per 450 word article and then didn’t get back with me on it – This is ridiculous. And, collectors want photos of everything along with a price per item already worked out – not to just come over and us figure out if they find anything they would like to have and then negotiate it from there. Durn. This is so not working.

cricketdiane conspiracy theory cards - 01-04-11 006-2

another quick photo of the conspiracy theory cards written by cricketdiane 2009 - 2010


Here is the Ebay listing for the next three days on auction –

Conspiracy Theory Cards nonfiction OOAK cricketdiane – 300511508300

When one of the toy / action figure collectors (maybe a dealer) sent an email the other night, he wanted photos – so I went and took photos (36 pictures) of which only 3 or 4 were even worth seeing. I don’t know why I can take great photos of buildings and sky and clouds and moving targets like children and family – but a simple small thing like an action figure or toy comes out looking like crap, but that is the truth. However, maybe a part of me still wants to keep those things and is working against me.

I know it wouldn’t make sense to most people that many of the toy figures sitting around my house right now belong to me and never actually belonged to my children. Some of them were theirs, but most of the ones I use every day to remind me of things were mine. Maybe, I’m having trouble believing that I can remember things without them. I finally did let go of the forest green mailbox that is the kind for a post at the street with the little red flag and everything. It was left in Mom and Dad’s basement when I moved here several years ago and it has been really, really hard to remember to get the mail from the mailboxes down at the parking lot, but I’ve stumbled through it – most of the time not remembering to do it, but eventually somebody will ask me if I’ve gotten the mail lately. It is hardest to trust that someone will remind me that way – not intentionally, but randomly when they think to ask. And, its even harder for me to believe that I will know and remember the words described by many of the little toys around the house being used as mnemonic devices for things both simple and complex. At one point in my life, my entire language was nearly all visual and these adaptive tools have been reliable, where I might never even read a thing I’ve written again after it has been written.

Oh well, something has to work so I can get the money I need right now . . .

Something has to work.

– cricketdiane


The problem I see with offering the “conspiracy theory” cards which are the hand written notes I’ve been making over the last three years – well, certainly longer than that but this group of cards probably only includes about the last three years – is that nobody would be looking for anything like that first of all. Second of all, who would want them? People seem to want things all laid out nicely for them with someone leading them in the understanding of how it all rightly fits together or doesn’t, as the case may be. This isn’t like that and what I think about what is on them, may not be accurate anyway. The facts are accurate, but what do they mean in their context is yet to be put together and when I start some area of putting that together, I usually have to add some pieces from my other files to them. For instance, I had to look up that FINRA is not a government based agency. The card might only mention the interview on the news with someone that claimed to be speaking for their standpoint on something. Like that – I always have to look up odds and ends when it is time to coordinate the overall understanding that comes from the research on things – of course, just like anybody else. Some of it is in my mind, some is in my computer files, some on the cards, some in my paper files printed out or hand written at different times and some of it fills in at the moment the research is being assimilated to create a story from it or a report or a cohesive document about it of some kind. I don’t know that out of context, the cards will really be of interest to anybody unless they are already studying these kinds of things and it adds to what they already know.

And, who am I in the greater context of the world anybody that anyone should want my notes – I have always had friends and family members to remind me of that part of it. The only reason they haven’t this time is because first I didn’t tell them and second, they already assured me that I’m setting myself up to fail – and that is a quote. It seems useless to talk to people who think that way when I really need to accomplish something like raising money. It also makes it very tempting to have someone who does yard sales come and buy the whole shooting match for $200 and just let it go and walk away. Very discouraging.

There are vast things I know about doing business, being in business, and creating things – but when I try to apply them, it just doesn’t work. I’ve studied it until there seems to be all the parts of it that I know – and then it doesn’t work in application. Its probably just me. My children say that my hobby is studying business. That is probably the truth of it and it may be that the information has no other value for my life when I need to get something done. It sure doesn’t seem to work as described in business books and things found online about business, whether it comes from Harvard or Columbia or Wharton or anywhere else. So, now what else could I do – check craigslist for some other writing jobs at $10 a $1000’s worth of words and research and online promotion of it and search engine optimization of it and focused and well-written and including some intelligent analysis of the information contained within it – or what?

Several nights ago, I went through the wanted ads on craigslist NYC and ATL until I had found a number of collectors for things and dealers wanting to buy things. Would a nautical antiques collector want paintings or little card paintings of the ocean to go in their store? Does anyone in America collect or have an interest in laser discs? Would anybody paying for things to resell or for a collection want any of the things sitting here and give more than $2 each for them, even if they knew they would get $23000 for it when they resold it? Honestly – I might have to think of something else. Kitchen stuff anybody?

– cricketdiane


Just a thought – I try to remember that it was what seemed like forever before I could win at chess or backgammon – or tennis or canasta or shooting pool or any number of other things. It took playing them in every possible combination before I could understand how to win and then it took a lot of opportunities to interact with others to understand the people part of it that goes into winning as well. The people part of things is important. As I said the other day, it isn’t possible to learn to speak English by reading the dictionary. People use words in combinations that imply or intonate in ways that can’t be found in the dictionary or an encyclopedia. Winning in sales and business things may not be my thing, but it might also be that I’m missing some part of the people elements in it. I don’t understand people very well at the moment things are occurring. Part of that is language and part of that is my own slowness with it. By the time I’ve analyzed what has just happened, what was said and what it all may have meant – it can be three days later, but that is better than the three weeks or three months that it used to take so I’m getting better.

One time, there was an exercise in a commercial art school class that I was taking and it took me three years before I had the answer. It was something that simply wouldn’t happen for me. And, no matter how hard I tried or how much I worked on it – I just could not get it. The exercise was to create a new letter for the alphabet, which seems simple enough – but it defied any and every ability I had to come up with it until one day three or four years later when it showed up in my head one day and I wrote it down. That was it – 3 years and some, too late. In the process, I came up with all kinds of other great things, created them, designed them, constructed them and invented them – but not that.

I feel that way about business things and making money at things – after working nearly every day for many, many years on top of years at it – I still can’t seem to connect the answer to it when I need it to be done effectively right now. I don’t expect this time to be any different. Hopefully, the difference this time is that I won’t be taking it as such an emotional loss as I have at other times. If I can just handle the frustration of it, the disappointment of it and the failure of it without getting angry or despondent about it – that would be good. And, that is where I don’t understand other people especially – the damndest comments happen that always make it so much worse than it would otherwise be – any chance I could be blind, deaf and dumb to that crap this time would also be good. I don’t want to hear it anymore.

I don’t want to hear, “well, I could’ve told you that wouldn’t work.”

I don’t want to hear, “you have already decided you’re going to fail and are setting it up to fail by saying so.”

I don’t want to hear, ” it never worked before, what makes you think any of it could work now?”


I don’t want to hear, “people in America are not that smart, Diane. They don’t want to know things about that and understand it like you do. Nobody is interested in those kinds of things.”

I don’t want to hear it.

I’ve had enough of hearing that. And, I still don’t think it is accurate. There is too much evidence to the contrary. First of all nobody can tell me that and it be for some good to make my life better and my opportunities to raise some money right now have better chances of success. So, why would anybody waste my time saying those things. Just help me fix it or stand back and have a good laugh at me trying, but don’t tell me those kinds of things that don’t help any.

And, I don’t want to hear, “you’re setting yourself up for failure,” but its too late, my family was nice enough to share that with me a couple days ago already. There is just no stopping them.

That isn’t the only crappy thing I’ve heard about this already. I just thought it was about time to save the time it takes to process all that shit again because what people don’t know is that when they say those things – I actually process that information as if it is the fact and not some idle comment. And, I tend to believe that those saying it must see things that I do not which I must take into account in order to have a chance of succeeding – in case I’m supposed to be flexible enough to account for those things in the midst of the moment I’m doing something. What if they see what I cannot – so I do listen and process it and check to see if I need to change what I’m doing in the middle of it. And, then – for what good have they even said it? As it turns out, often those things weren’t intended to help me at all and they were said to put me off lest I embarrassed myself and my family again with something I was trying to do. It would’ve never occurred to any one of them to simply encourage those efforts and get behind them to make it work.

It is a wonder that anything gets done in America and maybe, I’m just not strong enough to do it – no matter what I do to get better at it and understand it and try it once more. That might be what I need to accept. So, if that is the case – what would I need to do to get the money I need right now? Prostitution? Selling drugs? Play the lottery? Sell a timeline of all the screwy bombings and assassinations that have been occurring lately? Get a job at someplace that doesn’t want to hire me unless I go through vocrehab since I haven’t worked at a real job for so long? Sell everything to a yard sale / estate buying person? What?

Oh wait a minute –

Mystic Spells were selling on Ebay when nothing else was – hmmmm………..

maybe I could create some of those.




Well, there you go – Ebay fees paid from listing my computer a month ago that didn’t sell but cost me $21.47 to list it on Ebay and I never did figure out why it cost that much for a one day listing on two categories, without any photos of it but it did. And, then they wouldn’t let my listing today for the Conspiracy Cards go public because they wanted money – of course. After it was paid earlier this evening it was supposed to be online and the listing public but who knows.

I’m taking photos of the toys and action figures that I had been using as visual identifiers in order to sell them and emailing the photos as I go along. All that will probably yield about $20 when I actually need many times that much. So far, I’ve photographed about thirty of them and I’m about to photograph some more of them. Maybe I’ll do some photos of my power tools next and just put a listing on craigslist or Ebay for them. It occurred to me last night that I might be able to transcribe conference speeches, materials from video, class materials from lectures and convention break-out sessions for a fee, even in a few languages besides English. I haven’t figured out where to place a listing about that yet. There is a need for such a thing – my language skills couldn’t be trusted to translate something but I could probably transcribe it from the spoken word to the written word fairly well. It is a thought.


If the Ebay listing isn’t available for people to see it by tomorrow, I’m going to call them and get it fixed or something and see what else I can find that might be useful to sell. So many things are of value only if they fit with what someone is collecting or appreciates at the moment they are interested in having it, I might have to think of something that works better. The cute little mutant ninja turtle that opens up and has the sewer level dojo inside for micro sized ninja turtles could do pretty good if I had enough of the next three years to figure out who is collecting them, but no – it has to be now, of course.


I’ll keep working on it.

– cricketdiane