“They are doing business using the rules of war, not ‘gentleman’s rules’.” my note, cricketdiane

I always thought it was pretty straight-forward; create products, generate sales and have a business that succeeds.

But, when people’s incomes are $12,250 per month, their takehome around $10,000 each month, and they are using $4,000 – $5,000 each month for spending money (every month) – how could they have said that $10 or $20 for something I created was asking too much?

– cricketdiane, 07-18-09


I had really believed that the government supports and charity being made available to me were a safety net. So, everyday I worked. I created new things, created solutions to existing problems in the world, worked to learn more and get better at it, worked to learn about business and how to do business and how to make businesses succeed. And, every day I worked – there are things sitting here that prove I wasn’t idle. Time and time again, I went into the community in a variety of different ways to sell what I did, to sell what I knew, to sell what I had created and to sell what I had become good at doing.

After 36 years, the last 18 of which have been by support of this safety net from the government, I have grown children and family members that scream at me – “There’s no money in it. There’ll never be any money in it. It’s a waste of time. There’s no money in it.” Well, others have profited from it so apparently there was money in it and since, today there are people somewhere who are still profiting from it – there is money in it today – just not for me.

Through the internet, I thought that the opportunities for making it work would increase, but no – they haven’t and probably because I simply don’t understand how to make it work correctly. I’m stupid and not in a virtual sense – I’m just stupid. I can take problems and solve them from across the spectrum of practical applications around the world that need some help, I can create new things that never existed before, I can paint pictures that look like you can reach out into them, I can write at a level of someone with a Ph.D. and yet, to be published by an established publishing company is not even on the menu. To be represented by an agent – not even on the menu. To be paid for anything I do or make money with it – not even on the menu apparently because everything I’ve tried has failed.

Why have I been working every day? I could’ve been doing nothing this whole time and had better results. I would at the very least not been as broke as I commonly seem to be. But, then – there is no price point – whatever the price, whether how much or how little, is wrong – its too much regardless of what it is, or its not enough – according to any standard of what is worth something that only exists from one place, one time in the world, and doesn’t cover the costs either. At $2.00 for shipping – it still cost too much for things I had painted individually – uniquely and I was paying $1.29 for a padded envelope, 90 cents for the too thick for the postal machines postage, plus another pretty envelope inside with a liner, clear packaging to protect each card, hand-signed on the back and an extra card just because I thought they would like it. But asking $2.00 to cover shipping was a waste of time, because those who saw the listing wanted nothing to do with it – cost too much, wasn’t worth it, meant nothing to them, wasn’t worth having or going to the trouble to get it, and they thought I just wanted to make $2 for each card – here is what I was sending that wasn’t worth even one person covering some of the shipping costs to get –

Cricket House Studios - hand painted, handmade packaging offered for free through June 30, 2009 that wasn't worth $2.00 to ship it according to the worldwide public on the internet - 2009

Cricket House Studios - hand painted, handmade packaging offered for free through June 30, 2009 that wasn't worth $2.00 to ship it according to the worldwide public on the internet - 2009

What works? Nothing? Is that the final answer is that essentially nothing works because of the way I dress or the way I look or because I don’t have the credit and credentials for what I do?

Is that what it is – that if it were any good, then I would have an income in the millions of dollars and otherwise it is nothing but a grand schizophrenic delusion to believe that I am an artist, a writer and inventor, regardless of how much I’ve done of it in the real world and regardless of how much of it is sitting here around me where it has been completed but no money for it. Is that what determines reality – and value, is how much someone will give for it straight from my hands and if that is nothing – then the value is nothing?