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The Shade Tree Wisdom of Politics –
by Cricket Diane C “Sparky” Phillips, 2008

* A good politician is somebody that can make you believe what you didn’t wanna hear in the first place.

* The best place to stay in politics is out of it but the next best place is out of the firing zone.

* A difference of opinion is like that old pair of boots you use to put the manure out in the garden. No point ruining your good ones just to have ‘em stink from stepping in it.

* There may be tons of good ideas in politics but leave it to the politicians to only get the worst ones done, if any at all.

* The treasury is a place where politicians use the “can’t eat just one” rule. In Latin, that’s “eat-amus maximus.”

* Its not a disorder to be a politician but you can’t tell that by listening to them.

* How could you trust the judgment of a politician? It’s a contradiction of terms.

* If you can see the difference between the candidates offered by both parties – you have been listening to them too long.

* Is it possible to tell the difference between a donkey’s ass, an elephant’s ass, as horse’s ass and a jackass? Have you been up in Congress lately?

* A bad marriage is like getting a bad politician but easier to get shed of.

* When two politicians are in the same room, they will always have three ideas between them – none of which will do what they say they will do.

* In order to have politics, it takes a special meeting of several ingredients including the ability to be disagreeable without letting on that you think the other person’s an ass.

* Politicians without money are like you and me – not in politics.

* It takes more than most people would give to be a politician and more than most people would steal to stay one.

* Political compromise is a fancy way of saying that nobody gets what they want but they’re going to spend more than enough money for everybody to have had what they wanted.

* Good in terms of politics is a matter of reference. It depends on who is talking and whether they’re in earshot of anybody.