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* I started to wallpaper the bathroom with legal papers. The government is the only one that can afford paper. They sent a tone of it to our house. Surely it could be a decorating element. You can’t wipe with it.

* Maps are great wallpaper. I saw it done in a book once. The book picture showed a great room wallpapered in maps. Of course, they could afford mahogany shelving to accent them. Wonder if the effect would be the same with fake fur and stucco? I’ve seen cars done that way.

* We like textural finishes. We have a friend that finishes houses and gives us the ends of the buckets. Do you know what ceiling mud does when its left in the bottom of the bucket too long? Yes, it does make a nice wall sculpture, doesn’t it? A little glow-in-the-dark paint and hope it doesn’t fall on anybody . . .

* Never plaster a toilet. Toilets do no lend themselves to great decorating ideas.

* We had four custom wheels in our basement which fit not any car we could ever afford. We had a small square coffee table where we ate with no stools. Now, we have four industro-fashion fifty dollar a piece fully functional, modular seating units which fit securely under the butt.

* Butt is not a fashion decorating word but it is a priority element of decorating. What you do with butts makes all the difference in decorating. Cheap seats are hard seats. Can’t afford them anyway. And no money butts are hard, scrawny, boney butts. Hard seats won’t do. You’ll have to keep a crowbar on the wall to pry the seats from the butts. Isn’t that special? Early American . . .

* If birthday streamers, banners, balloons, Christmas and New Year’s decorations are left up long enough, they become decorating elements automatically. People stop asking whose birthday it is about the second month they are still up.

– cricketdiane


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– cd9