, , , ,

Got No Money Guide to Home Security

by CricketDiane

Most people get a sticker for their window that says, “Protected by xx Security and Alarm” or something like that. Then, of course, every month there is a fee for the company to protect the property by manning the alarms.

When you got no money, that isn’t realistic. So, to help the world of folks with no money, these are anti-theft suggestions and crime deterrents as stickers for the home, car and personal property:

*Already pawned everything of value.

*There’s a reason I drive a beat-up Ford.

*We were the 223 millionth American family to file for bankruptcy. What they didn’t take isn’t worth stealing.

*Ex air traffic controller – Ex postal carrier – go for it – make my day.

*Victim of impoverisation economic demographics. I’m poor. You can’t steal what I aint got.

*The government already got it.

*If you are looking for our money – the IRS has it.

*The credit cards in my wallet were maxed out three months ago. I was arrested at an atm for trying to withdraw my own money. The bankruptcy will be final eventually after my ex-wife’s lawyers are done screwing up my life. Have it all – your luck has to be better than mine.

*If you steal my checks or atm card – you’ll have to beat the checks to the bank just like I do.

*All our money was in a savings and loan.

*We down-sized. We’re doing without money, thankyou very much.

**We just paid our electric bill that was two months behind. Your timing is way, way off.

More Got No Money Guide to Home Security

More stickers for the protection of home, self and property:

*You can have everything in our house, if we can bum a couple packs of cigarettes from you. We’ll help you load it up.

*Steal what you want, but could we bum a couple packs of smokes off you. Our welfare check hasn’t come yet.

*We couldn’t afford our car insurance and this vehicle is registered with the State Office of No Insurance. Take it at your own risk. Oh yeah – and I’ve been meaning to get the brakes fixed – use the parking brake if you’re going to want to stop at all. Just tug real hard.

*Unemployed Taxpayer.

*The CEO of a major corporation lives several blocks over. We were down-sized and drawing welfare. Why waste the effort? If we had money to rob, guess what? We’d have already spent it on something. In fact, we did.

*We are shoplifting food at the grocery store to feed our family. Please come back on Monday, Wednesday or Thursday and we’ll talk shop.

*Our house is in foreclosure. Please feel free to take the rest so we don’t have to pay movers.

*Everything here came from the thrift store. Help yourself.

*We are justifiably poor. We follow a religious order. Apparently you need to join. We can save you. Come back when we’re here and we will.

*Do you know how many ways you can make macaroni and cheese into different meals? We do. We aren’t doing that because we can afford to go out to eat. Our children think happy meals are days we can eat rice and bologna. Don’t tell ’em.

*The trash in our yard is not a status thing. We don’t have money for that. We are not robbable, unless . . . never mind, you probably have your own trash cans.

*Who told you to come to this neighborhood anyway? We would live somewhere else, if we had any money.

*Our bankruptcy is final. Thanks for stopping by – its a little late but there is a roll of toilet paper left if you hurry.

*We had money once. Please try us again in five years.

*Unemployed long enough to hate everybody. Come on in.

*We own a black and white tv. The children put rocks in our cassette player. We have two lamps that don’t work and the telephone’s ringer don’t ring since I threw it at the wall. If you really want it – go for it.

*Official member of the working poor.

*If you leave your address and phone number, we’ll be glad to let you know when we can afford to be robbed.

More stickets to stave off the bad guys from your home, self and property:

* We won’t be available for robbery until next year or later. This year the IRS got it all.

* Do you have any idea how many places there are that have money available? Have you noticed we don’t look like we’re on that list? That’s because we don’t have any money.

* We are consistently poor. We are okay with that. The state has made sure we have a psychologist so we can be okay with that. If you want to rob somebody, get a psychology degree. The state is paying him $120 per hour to tell us its okay to be poor as long as we’re consistent and have an identity.

* We got no mo money. We bought plastic laundry baskets so we could get organized. We bought little circle tabs in different colors so we could be color-coded. We got cleaning sprays so we could clean and disinfect everything in our house. We obviously ran out of money about half way through the grocery store because we forgot to get icecream and had to put some things back. You’ve got to be kidding. If you robbed a street person or a senator at least you’d get their liquor money.

* My company explained to me what down-sizing means. Would you like me to explain it to you? Yes, I do have an attitude, don’t I?

* Are you sure it wouldn’t be easier to get a job hanging gutter or something? My mother-in-law knows lots of jobs. I know, because she keeps trying to get me one.

* When I grow up, I’m going to be rich and famous. At this rate, I’m never going to grow up. Check with me later.

* I thought about being a criminal. There couldn’t be much money in it, if you’re this desperate. That’s pathetic.

* If I had five dollars, my kids or wife spent it already.

* Did you do your homework about this? The only thing here is dirty clothes. Help yourself. We could use all the help we can get.

* We are too poor to spit and got none to spit with. What were you thinking?

* Demographics is a big word that means to check and see how much people got before you try to go and get it from them. You might want to check our demographics. We are in the ain’t got none category.

* Are you dreaming? We don’t have money or anything else of value. We are dreaming that we might have something someday but you’re dreaming, if you think that day is today.

* Go steal somewhere else. We are not worth the effort. We would hate to see you waste your valuable time here.

* When you got up this morning – did you engage your brain? There has never been enough money here to buy anything we could sell if we had to.

– cricketdiane


More Got No Money Guides by CricketDiane



Got No Money Guide to Good Living 2 –