Several years ago, my sons decided that I was too poor to be doing Christmas. Okay – but why did that mean all the efforts I had been making weren’t to be simply made by them? Hmmm? That’s what happened.
Instead of inviting, coordinating, buying some special small gift or two for each (and making one each for everyone), buying the foods and making the nice Christmas eve dinner and Christmas day meal, playing and singing Christmas songs and music – instead – of doing it the way I was doing it without any real money to use for it – what ever the hell are they doing? None of it.
And, I’m left out. I guess since I’m no longer willing to clean my parents’ house for three or four days ahead of time, cook all the food and do all the clean up – it isn’t worth them having me a part of it. What a shame.
But the greater shame is this – not only have I been excluded from participating because in their estimation – I’m poor and poor people have no right to be doing Christmas anyway, unfortunately with all their money and brilliance – they aren’t doing it either. They haven’t cleaned a thing, don’t like playing Christmas music, don’t want to go with Daddy to church to hear the Christmas special singings and events and have no use for giving each person any present at all. In fact, they don’t believe it is even worth the effort to get a Christmas tree up and put lights and decorations on it. They liked it fine when I was doing all of it – with help, but mainly being the one doing it and coordinating it and doing nearly all of the work involved in the production of it. They didn’t mind when I was the one buying the food, making the food and cleaning up afterward. And, they didn’t mind when I was the one buying and making each person several presents, providing candy for everyone and putting thought into each gift, food, candy, cookie, pie and present in their stockings.
This went on till well beyond their adulthoods – but for some reason, after deciding that I had no business doing Christmas since I was the poorest of everyone in the family, they didn’t make Christmas for me, nor for each other nor for their grandparents either. They just didn’t do any of it, showed up to eat occasionally around the holidays and then complained that I gave them a gift anyway when I wasn’t supposed to – but they didn’t feel compelled to do any of the rest of it nor to give anything to me either.
Oh well. They are probably using their money to get themselves something expensive that they can use to show off to everyone from Daddy to me to their siblings and friends that they can afford and no one else can. That seems to be the way of it – whether it is software that costs a fortune but they rarely use, or cameras that costs thousands for nothing ever becoming a poster or anything else out of it, or the largest, thinnest, newest and most expensive ipads, iphones, apps, video gaming systems, gizmos, gadgets and now, cars. It would be funny if it weren’t so completely pathetic.
APPARENTLY, ours isn’t the only family watching this promenade of stupidity, selfishness, self-centeredness, lack of understanding about the concepts of Christmas and holidays in general, as well as misunderstandings about the purpose of “things” and “status” and flaunting those at others. It is a shame.
Merry Christmas, America. Merry Christmas.
Oh, and by the way – I’ve already hosted “cookie day” at my little apartment for two of my daughters and two of my grandchildren. I have put up some decorations for my little space to look pretty. No, I can’t afford a Christmas tree this year and don’t have any money to go see my Daddy for the first Christmas since Mom died in September. For the first time, I might very well go to Christmas Mass and just not worry about it. I really had loved Christmas, but it wasn’t fair for them to have me doing all of it – all the cleaning, all the buying, fixing, decorating, making, doing, clean up afterwards, putting away the decorations, and psychologically hosting the entire thing while they complained. It wasn’t fair. I would have never expected that when I was told poor people have to right to be doing Christmas, that none of them would pick up the ball and do it since they could obviously afford it and knew how to organize it and accomplish it.
I hate them sometimes. Maybe being alone this Christmas and excluded by my family and children is a blessing. Why should I be around people who can’t act any better than that and don’t care about me unless I’m doing all the work for them to enjoy some traditional experience of family and Christmas? Why be with people that think I’m the maid obviously and look down on me? I’d love to say “screw them”, but it still hurts my feelings. There are 7 Billion people in the world and yet these few in my family matter to me. I need to let them go – I can’t afford to be around people that are that stupid, insolent, ignorant, obnoxious, disrespectful of others and selfish. That is enough. I deserve much better than that.